Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 6

80f: Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends

Commercial For Nothing

Spokesman.....Joe Piscopo

[ open on Spokesman ]

Spokesman: Hi, everybody! Here's great news! It's here! The greatest little discovery EVER! There's absolutely NOTHING to mix or measure! No moving parts! No messy creams!

[ the sales pitch expressions randomly begin to fill the screen ]

Here's how to order: Trace your face on a piece of paper, and send $9.99 to Box 0, New York, New York 99999! Be sure to include ring size! Don't delay, because when they're gone... they're gone!

Do it today! Send no money! Just rush $9.99 to Box 0, New York, New York 99999!

Specify one or two-car garage! And remember: No guarantee! No money back! No product! Please check Red, Blue, Green, or Natural Oak!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts