Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 6






80f: Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends

Citizens For A Better America

Dr. Swen Gazzara.....Gilbert Gottfried

[ open on Dr. Swen Gazzara, Exec. Dir., Citizens For A Better America, seated at desk ]

Dr. Swen Gazzara: THe other day, I said it's about time I bought myself an enema. So I went to my local Rexall's and bought an enema. Later that night, using it under normal conditions, it clogged. It was then that the old expression "They don't make 'em like they used to" hit me. Why does this country produce such shoddy goods? Why? Because Americans have lost faith and pride in their work. Everyone wants a glamour position. The american people are not satisfied with routine employment. They resent having boring, tedious, subservient, just plain and humdrum jobs. Let's refer to them here and out as... "hum" jobs.

I come from a humble working class family. My father had a "hum" job. My mother had a "hum" job. And me? -- I've had several "hum" jobs. For every corporate leader and every prestigious, high-paid executive, there are many workers underneath them performing thw "hum" jobs. [ an audience member "Whoo"s ]

So come on, America, let's put pride back in our work, no matter how meager. Let's say: "Mr. President, give me a job digging ditches! Give me a job mopping floors! Give me a job selling newspapers! Mr. President... give me a "hum" job!"

[ dissolve to "PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT" card ]

Announcer: This has been a Public Service message.

[ fade ]


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