Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 6














80f: Ray Sharkey / Jack Bruce & Friends

To Tell the Truth

Number One.....Matthew Laurance
Number Two.....Charles Rocket
Number Three.....Eddie Murphy

[ open on silhouettes of three men ]

[ camera zooms in on first man as his face is lit ]

Announcer: Number One: What is YOUR name, please?

Number One: My name is... Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno.

Announcer: Number Two?

Number Two: My name is Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno.

Announcer: And Number Three?

Number Three: My name is Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno!

Announcer: [ reading ] "I, Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno, was once one of the highest members of the Mafia. I have personally murdered many people, some of them close friends. When I learned there was a contract out on my life, I decided to turn government conformant. Since then, I have become responsible for the convictions of Teamster officials in San Francisco, and Mafia bosses in Los Angeles and New York. In addition, my testimony has led to a grand jury investigation of Frank Sinatra's alleged ties with convicted mobsters. At this moment, the Mafia is OUT to get me, and my life isn't worth a plug nickel."

Now! Will the REAL Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno... please step forward?

[ the three men make half-hearted attempts to step forward and back in an effort to tease the audience, until Number One finally steps forward to reveal his true identity ]

[ the audience applauds ]

[ Number Two whips out a pistol and shoots Jimmy "The Weasel" Fratianno in the back of the head ]

[ as Fratianno drops dead, Number Three looks at Number Two with grave concern ]

[ Number Two wraps his arm around Number Three's neck and points his gun at his face ]

Number Three: [ panicked ] "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!"


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