Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 7


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:



Special Guests:

Cameos:





Bit Players:



January 17th, 1981

Karen Black

Cheap Trick

Stanley Clarke Trio

None

Bill Martin

Michael Nesmith

Rich Schmaltz

Pete Fatovich

Jeannine Kerwin

Carters Leave the White House
Summary: On Inauguration Day, Rosalynn Carter (Ann Risley) instructs Jimmy (Joe Piscopo) and Amy (Denny Dillon) to strip the White House bare before the Reagans move in.

Recurring Characters: Jimmy Carter, Rosalynn Carter, Amy Carter.

Transcript


Montage


Karen Black's Monologue
Summary: Karen Black will say absolutely anything to garner cheap audience applause.

Also Hosted: 76d.

Transcript


The Legendary Composers
Summary: Spokesman (Charles Rocket) pitches an album containing the classical origins of today's hottest hits.


Foundation For The Tragically Hip
Summary: In a clip from "Elephant Parts", spokesman (Bill Martin) for the Foundation For The Tragically Hip solicits financial donations to help spoiled rich kids survive in a material-based mindset.


The Livelys
Summary: Game show host Phil Lively (Charles Rocket) and his lovely wife, Francis (Gail Matthius), invite their new neighbors (Gilbert Gottfried, Denny Dillon) over for dinner and a quiz show-style interrogation.

Recurring Characters: Phil Lively, Francis Lively.


Reagan's Vice President
Summary: At Frank Sinatra's (Joe Piscopo) request, President Ronald Reagan (Charles Rocket) appoints wife, Nancy (Gail Matthius), as his Vice-President.

Recurring Characters: President Ronald Reagan, Frank Sinatra, Nancy Reagan.

Transcript


The Rocket Report
Summary: Charles Rocket rides along as New York City's daredevil cab driver, Rich Schmaltz, cuts through traffic at a red light.

Transcript


Mona Lisa in Love
Summary: A museum security guard (Charles Rocket) tells the Mona Lisa (Karen Black) he wants to break up.

Transcript


Cheap Trick performs "Baby Loves to Rock"


Weekend Update with Charles Rocket & Gail Matthius
Summary: Mary Lou James (Ann Risley) provides dieting tips for stupid dieters. The stock footage of "Rush to the Sunbelt!" documents the migration to the midwest. Joe Piscopo contradicts his stance on the scalping of Super Bowl XV tickets by trying to unload his own pair for a profit.

Transcript


60 Minutes
Summary: Dan Rather (Joe Piscopo) offsets an investigation into the mysterious lack of women journalists at CBS.

Recurring Characters: Dan Rather.

Transcript


Stroke Victim
Summary: A stroke victim (Gilbert Gottfried) is unable to communicate with the chatty visitors in his hospital room.


Fair Dinkum Championship Finals
Summary: Sports Reporter Joe Piscopo is on the scene at the championship Fair Dinkum Finals between manly Scottish athletes (Charles Rocket, Matthew Laurance).


Neighbor Confrontation
Summary: The woman next door (Yvonne Hudson) complains to her neighbor (Eddie Murphy) about the noise coming from his stereo.

Transcript


Paulie Herman at the Diner
Summary: Jersey Guy Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo) and his newfound lunch companion (Karen Black) channel their inner Jack Nicholson while trying to order a simple piece of wheat toast at a roadside diner.

Recurring Characters: Paulie Herman.

Transcript


Cheap Trick performs "Can't Stop It But I'm Gonna Try"


Saturday Night Live Action Dolls
Summary: Charles Rocket demonstrates how much fun it is to play with the cast action dolls.

Transcript


What's It All About?
Summary: Karen Black can't keep up with the changing subjects discussed by hosts Pinky (Denny Dillon) and Leo Waxman (Gilbert Gottfried).

Recurring Characters: Pinkie Waxman, Leo Waxman.


National Handgun Association
Summary: Proving the adage that "People that kill people, not guns", A mugger (Matthew Laurance) uses a black man (Eddie Murphy) to rob a pair of innocent victims (Joe Piscopo, Ann Risley).

Transcript


Stanley Clarke Trio performs "Wild Dog"


Goodnights
Transcript



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