Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 7










80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

Carters Leave the White House

Mover #1.....Matthew Laurance
Rosalynn Carter.....Ann Risley
Amy Carter.....Denny Dillon
Jimmy Carter.....Joe Piscopo

[ open on exterior, White House, with SUPER: "Inauguration Day: Oval Office" ]

[ dissolve to interior, Oval Office, as moving men stack boxes at the center of the room ]

Mover #1: Mrs. Carter? We're taking these down to the van now.

[ the moving men wheel the boxes away, revealing Rosalynn Carter crouched in front of the President's desk trying to pry the Presidential Seal off the front ]

Rosalynn Carter: Well, hurry up! We only have FIVE minutes! Amy! Amy! Get in here with that crowbar! I'm not leaving this house without this seal!

[ Amy runs into the room carrying part of the bannister ]

Amy Carter: I'm sorry, Mama! I needed it for the bannister!

Rosalynn Carter: [ standing ] And, honey, don't forget about the stairs -- if that damn Nancy wants to get up to the second floor, she's gonna have to CLAW her way up!

Amy Carter: She SCARES me, Mama! You suppose she ever KILLED anyone?

Rosalynn Carter: No, honey -- she just MARRIES them instead! [ she finally pries the Presidential seal loose ] Here, Amy, here -- put this in the box with the sink. Now... what's left?

[ Rosalynn begins to take down the drapes ]

Amy Carter: Well, let's see now... we cleared out the East Wing, and, uh, there's nothing left in the West Wing. And, uh... I drained the pool! [ she laughs ]

Rosalynn Carter: Leave the diving board!

[ suddenly, Jimmy Carter enters carrying shrubbery ]

Jimmy Carter: This is the last of the Rose Garden! [ he stuffs the shrubs into a briefcase ]

Amy Carter: [ digging through a box ] Look, Mama! I got every DOOR KNOB, every FAUCET HANDLE... I even got the handle to the toilet!

Rosalynn Carter: That's my Amy!

Jimmy Carter: Well... I guess that's about everything.

[ the two movers roll the President's desk out the door, as the red phone begins to beep ]

Jimmy Carter: Ohhhh... that's the Hot Line. I'll get it.

[ Jimmy yanks the phone from the wall, wraps its wires around, then tucks the phone under his arm ]

Jimmy Carter: I'll go get the Welcome Mat!

[ Jimmy exits the Oval Office ]

[ outside, a car horn honks ]

Amy Carter: Mama! It's them! It's them!

Voice of Nancy Reagan: [ over bullhorn ] WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE! IT'S OUR HOME NOW, SO GET OUT! IT'S ALL OVER!

Rosalynn Carter: Oh no, it's not! It's... [ she turns to face the camera ] "LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!"


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