Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 7

80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio

National Handgun Association

Man.....Joe Piscopo
Woman.....Ann Risley
Mugger.....Matthew Laurance
Black Man.....Eddie Murphy

[ open on couple exiting elevator onto main set, as Mugger approaches from the shadows ]

Mugger: Okay -- give me all your money or I'll KILL ya'!

Woman: Oh, God! He has a GUN!

Mugger: Noooo!! Guns don't kill people! PEOPLE kill PEOPLE! [ he grabs Black man and points him menacingly at the couple ] And I've got a PERSON right here, so don't try anything FUNNY!

Man: [ panicking ] No, no! Please! Put away your person! We'll give you ANYTHING you want, just DON'T point that PERSON at us!

Mugger: Yeah, yeah... come on! Come on!

Man: Here you go! [ he hands his wallet over ]

Announcer: This has been a message from the National Handgun Association, reminding you that guns don't kill people... PEOPLE kill people.

[ fade ]

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