80g: Karen Black / Cheap Trick, Stanley Clarke Trio
Reagan's Vice President
Frank Sinatra.....Joe Piscopo
President Ronald Reagan.....Charles Rocket
Nancy Reagan.....Gail Matthius
Bodyguard #1.....Patrick Weathers
Other Bodyguards.....Matthew Laurance, Gilbert Gottfried
[ open on interior, Frank Sinatra's dressing room, as his bodyguards style and make him up ]
Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]
"I've got you... under my skin
I have got YOU... deep in the heart of meeee!"
Yeah. Don't forget the bald spot.
[ singing ]
"Start shotin the PRESS!
Yeah, they're just in the wayyyy."
"Don't let them be a part of it,
[ Sinatra chuckles, as his bodyguards join in the chorus ]
Frank Sinatra: Cut!
[ a knock at the door ]
Ronald Reagan: Uh... President -- uh, Governor Reagan to see Mr. Sinatra?
Bodyguard #1: It's the, uh, President, Frank.
[ Sinatra waves Reagan over ]
Bodyguard #1: Come in.
Ronald Reagan: Thank you!
Frank Sinatra: Ronnie, baby, good to see you. Sit down.
Ronald Reagan: [ sitting ] Uh, you sent for me, Mr. Sinatra?
Frank Sinatra: Just a few reminders about this, uh, Inauguration jazz, Ronnie.
Ronald Reagan: Yes, sir!
Frank Sinatra: Number One: During rehearsal, I noticed YOU always out in the front. The cameras could barely get a shot of me. Now, WHO do you think people are tuning in to see?
Ronald Reagan: Well, I -- I'm sorry, I -- I don't know what I was thinking --
Frank Sinatra: Number Two: Your acceptance speech, I'm not in it!
Ronald Reagan: Oh... uh... w-well, you are! [ he pulls out a notepad ] I -- I -- I'm rewriting it as we speak!
Frank Sinatra: Good boy, Ronnie! Yuo know, I've been thinking a lot about this Bush cat. Obviously, he does not capische my role in the new administration.
Ronald Reagan: Oh -- oh, NO, Mr. Sinatra! Georgie LOVES you!
Frank Sinatra: Not enough. He's OUT!
Ronald Reagan: Oh, but, sir! Uh, he's an ELECTED official!
Frank Sinatra: [ to his bodyguards ] You hear that, boys?
[ on cue, the bodyguards laugh at this notion ]
Frank Sinatra: ENOUGH!
[ the bodyguards quiet themselves ]
Frank Sinatra: I think Nancy would make a GROOVIER Vice-President!
Ronald Reagan: [ confused ] Uh -- uh -- Nancy Kissinger?
Frank Sinatra: Oh, that's close, Ronnie. That's real close, Ronnie baby. [ he slaps Reagain playfully on the cheek ] I mean, your BROAD! Your OLD LADY! Your CHICK!
Ronald Reagan: Oh! You mean Mommy!
Frank Sinatra: [ he sighs ] Yeah. I mean "Mommy". [ he rolls his eyes at his bodyguards ]
Ronald Reagan: Oh! I can't WAIT to tell her! Thank you, Mr. Sinatra! Thank you very much!
Frank Sinatra: Ciao.
Ronald Reagan: Thank you! [ to the bodyguards ] Nice meeting you, fellas! Thank you!
[ Reagan exits the dressing room ]
[ after he leaves, Nancy Reagan casually enters from Sinatra's closet ]
Nancy Reagan: Nice work, Frank.
Frank Sinatra: [ standing ] Oh! Thank you very much, Mrs. Reagan. I, uh, tried to do everything that you asked.
Nancy Reagan: Mmm-hmm. But you forgot about Jane Wyman. But I'll take care of that.
Frank Sinatra: Ahhh, I'm gonna have to make it up to you, Boss!
Nancy Reagan: You can start right now by singing the Inaugural Theme just for me.
Frank Sinatra: [ singing ]
"Keep Audrey Hepburn... and keep Liz Taylor
Nancy's the feature, they are just... the trailer.
Picture a President in lace
That's Nancy, with the laughing face."
[ the camera zooms in on Nancy's reflection in the mirror ]
Nancy Reagan: [ smiling ] It's going to be a GREAT four years.
[ the camera pans out on the set, with SUPER: "Coming Up: Tank Therapy For Goldfish" ]
[ fade ]