Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 6: Episode 9

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

February 7th, 1981

Sally Kellerman

Jimmy Cliff


Marc Weiner

Jim Fowler

Andy Murphy

Terry Sweeney

Pam Norris

A Message from the President of the United States
Summary: President Ronald Reagan (Charles Rocket) uses a series of charts to describe the state of the economy, then feigns surprise when guests arrive to celebrate his 70th birthday.

Recurring Characters: Ronald Reagan, Nancy Reagan.

Note: 1985-86 cast member Terry Sweeney, who was on the writing staff this season, makes an appearance as one of Reagan's guests.


Note: Eddie Murphy becomes a regular cast member in this episode.

Sally Kellerman's Monologue
Summary: Sally Kellerman name-drops her movies until the director asks her to stop.

The Rocket Report
Summary: Charles Rocket is on the scene at the welcome home parade for the American hostages who were in Iran.

The Gavonne Family
Summary: Talent scout Lorna Burns (Sally Kellerman) watches a stand-up comedian (Gilbert Gottfried) perform fro his Italian family.

Name That Sin
Summary: Game show contestants (Eddie Murphy, Ann Risley) identify taboos based on sound effects.

"Eye, Ear, Nose & Throat"
Summary: A film featuring close-ups of body parts.

Was I Ever Red
Summary: Snobby women recall their mealtime etiquette faux pas.

Iranian Joke Book
Summary: Wacky jokes you can perform at home and use to fool your friends!

Jimmy Cliff performs "I Am The Living"

Weekend Update with Charles Rocket & Gail Matthius
Summary: Upon discovering that Abraham Lincoln didn't sign the Emancipation Proclamation wasn't signed, Eddie Murphy invites viewers to use a secret code to claim a Negro of their very own. Sports reporter Joe Piscopo interviews boxing hand puppet Rocko Weineretto (Marc Weiner).

Note: Charles Rocket wasn't particularly enthused about having to share screen time with a hand puppet, to which Joe Piscopo later quipped that Rocket was jealous that the puppet got more laughs than he did.

Parent & Child
Summary: Mother (Ann Risley) and father (Joe Piscopo) explain their kinky foreplay habits to their son (Gilbert Gottfried).

"A Day In The Life Of A Hostage"
Summary: Film documentary of a former hostage's quest for public attention.

Lean Acres
Summary: A counselor (Sally Kellerman) keeps fat farm members (Denny Dillon, Ann Risley) on a strict regimen, causing an audience member to interrupt the sketch in protest of how the overweight are being portrayed.


Jimmy Cliff performs "Gone Clear"

Iranian Student Council
Summary: Members of the student council at Tehran University debate ideas for post-kidnapping activities and argue about their graduation prospects.

"New York"
Summary: In a film by C.F. Bressler, New York City is represented through claymation.

Pillow Pets
Summary: A husband (Gilbert Gottfried) is more attention to the needs of his pillow pets than to his own wife (Ann Risley).


Televised Criminal Trial
Summary: The Supreme Court broadcasts a criminal trial in the same format as a talk show.


Sally Kellerman performs "Starting Over Again"


SNL Transcripts

| Time Warner Cable | Cable TV Providers | Charter Cable