Saturday Night Live Transcripts
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Season 6: Episode 12
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 Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
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March 7th, 1981
Bill Murray
Delbert McClinton
None
Bonnie Bramlett
Mark King
Paul Shaffer
Neil Levy
Brian Doyle-Murray
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It Just Doesn't Matter
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Summary: Bill Murray tells the worried cast to ignore SNL's bad ratings and to adopt a laissez-faire attitude towards performing on tonight's show.
Note: Despite Bill Murray's pep talk, this would be the final episode for Gilbert Gottfried, Ann Risley, Charles Rocket, Matthew Laurance and Patrick Weathers, as well as writer/non-credited performer Mitchell Kriegman.
Transcript
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Bill Murray's Monologue
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Summary: An excited Bill Murray tosses a woman in the audience over his shoulder. Eddie Murphy rushes out to stop his antics, whereupon the duo proclaim themselves a star-powered comedy team.
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Formula for the Good Life
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Summary: Jersey guy Paulie Herman (Joe Piscopo) speaks favorably of the chemical industry.
Recurring Characters: Paulie Herman.
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Script in Development
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Summary: The revisions in a writer's (Bill Murray) mystery novel are acted out behind him as he types.
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Altered Walter
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Summary: Walter Cronkite (Bill Murray) gets stoned in a tank, much to Dan Rather's (Joe Piscopo) chagrin.
Recurring Characters: Walter Cronkite, Dan Rather.
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Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform "Givin' It Up For Your Love"
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Saturday Night Newsline
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Summary: Dr. Jonathan Lear (Mark King) shows off photos of DNA molecules.
Bio: Mark King (1958-) is the bass player for the band Level 42, who would later appear as musical guest in 1986.
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Chapstick Celebrities
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Summary: "Chapstick" is the new last name preferred by celebrities everywhere.
Recurring Characters: Sammy Davis Jr.
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Saturday Night Newsline
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Summary: Bill Murray's annual Oscar picks result in awards given to SNL's original cast.
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Nick Rivers
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Summary: Nick "Rivers" (Bill Murray) entertains passengers aboard a Mardi Gras cruise along the Mississippi River.
Recurring Characters: Nick the Lounge Singer.
Note: Paul Shaffer's last official episode as leader of the SNL band is marked by his appearance in this sketch.
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Saturday Night Newsline
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Summary: Sports reporter Joe Piscopo suggests softer sticks as a solution to hockey violence.
Note: Charles Rocket references his F-bomb from the last episode, by asking "Did you say puck?" in response to Joe Piscopo's report.
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"Cut Flowers"
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Summary: In a film by Mary Pat Kelly, an indecisive man (Brian Doyle-Murray) visits a florist (Bill Murray).
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No Sex With Mary
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Summary: Mary Cunningham's (Gail Matthius) co-workers insist that they're not sleeping with her.
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What's The Cat's Name?
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Summary: Ron (Matthew Laurance) house guests (Bill Murray, Ann Risley) try in vain to remember the name of his cat.
Transcript
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Delbert McClinton and Bonnie Bramlett perform "Shotgun Rider"
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Bubba's Wash, Fayetta's Dry
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Summary: Bubba (Bill Murray) and Fayetta (Denny Dillon) are force to share their laundromat after their divorce.
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SNL Transcripts
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