SNL Transcripts: (None): 04/11/81: The Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 6: Episode 12

80m: (None) / Jr. Walker & The All-Stars

The Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading

Spokesman…..Joe Piscopo
Cue Card Boy…..Tim Kazurinsky

[ open on close=up of Spokesman’s face ]

Spokesman: Are you thinking about a career in television? In the exciting world of TV, it’s important to be prepared and look your sharpest whenever on camera! That’s why the FIRST step to a successful career in broadcasting is the Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading!

[ pull out to reveal the school’s sign on back wall ]

Spokesman: [ frequently glancing off-camera as he makes his pitch ] It’s a real art reading cue cards without letting the viewers at home know you’re doing it! I know it’s hard to believe… but I’m reading a cue card RIGHT NOW! That’s because I studied at the Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading! It’ll appear you’re looking STRAIGHT into the camera when you say things like “Hello!” and “Welcome to our show!” If you join now, you’ll receive a 10% discount to our affiliate: the Cable TV School of Camera Switching! Yeeeeeesss, the Cable TV SChool of Camera Switching! You’ll know what camera to look into —

[ he turns his head to glance at the camera currently on him, then the control room switches to the camera angle he was facing before ]

Spokesman: — and when!

[ he turns back to the appropriate camera, as the control room switches back to the other camera angle ]

Spokesman: Looks easy, doesn’t it? [ he keeps adjusting his head to find the correct camera ] That’s the Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading! Plus a 10% discount to the Cable TV School of Camera Switching! Join now! Here’s how!

[ cut to close-up of cue card with school address ]

Cue Card Boy: Send your name and address to:

“The Famous Broadcaster’s School of Cue Card Reading
Post Office Box 100
New York, New York
9-double 9-99!”

[ as the camera pulls back to reveal the cue card boy, he keeps looking between the camera and his own cue card ] [ the camera pullback also reveals the Spokesman standing off to the side, and the camera angle remains static ]

Spokesman: Not affiliated with the Columbia Broadcast System!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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