Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 1
















81a: (none) / Rod Stewart

Michael Davis

.....Eddie Murphy
.....Michael Davis

Eddie Murphy: Here, direct from Broadway's "Sugar Babies", is Michael Davis, the untapped source of dynamic energy. Let's hear it for Michael! Michael Davis!

[ the audience applauds, as the meekish juggler steps out carrying his bag of props ]

Michael Davis: Hello, I'm Michael Davis!

Audience Member: Yeah!

Michael Davis: Thank you. There's an old show business expression: A comic is a person who says funny things; A comedian says things funny." That makes me a juggler. DEvery performer has to find his own way to establish rapport with the audience. [ he pulls an object out of his pocket and holds it toward the audinece ] You want soem gum? [ he throws a couple of sticks into the audience ] Don't be shy.

I have my own personal philosophy about the art of juggling. [ he grabs a single ball and tosses it through the air ] I don't think it's important how many you juggle... as long as you've mastered it. The important thing is style. [ he tosses the ball high into the air, then bends down to one knee to catch it flamboyantly ] People don't take you seriously if you only have one ball. That's why... [ he pulls a large knife out of his bag ] I'm going to attempt... to juggle... this.

[ he drops the large knife to the floor, then reveals a floppy rubber knife in his other hand. The audience applauds as he flips the knife in his hand, then comically tries to swallow it ]

Don't give it away, if you can tell. This is a joke. [ he picks up the large knife ] No joke. Razor sharp. [ he flicks a finger against the blade ] Ping! [ he holds the knife withtwo hands, then jumps over it ] Hi-ya! [ he jumps again and swings the knife around ]

[ he casually picks up an axe in his other hand, then performs a double-take at the sight of it ]

[ he uses the knife to pound the head of the axe against the handle ]

I want to make sure that doesn't fly off again. [ the audience laughs ] I hate it when that happens. This is an antique; it belonged to George Washington. I had to replace the handle... and the head. But it occipies the same space... intrinsically. George the axe. [ he holds up the knife ] Mack the knife! [ he bends down and picks up a cleaver ] Beaver the cleaver! [ the audience cheers and applauds ]

I'm going to attempt... to juggle these three razor-sharp implements... [ he begins to swing all three back and forth ] simply for the amusement... of the people in the back. Don't be afraid. I've done this... [ he thinks about it ] twice. All it takes is intense concen-- [ he fumbles the axe and lets it slam into his genitals ] Oh! Sorry, I broke the tension. The tension was building. I think I'm the only one who felt it. [ the audience laughs ] It's very important to have... dramatic effect.

[ he drops the various blades to the ground, then takes out a hot dog and begins to whip it toward the cleaver, making slices of hot dog ]

Razor sharp!

[ he repeats this process with the large knife ]

[ he then flings the hot dog at the axe ]

[ he returns all the blades to the floor, then begins to flip them over one another at ground-level ]

The red one wins!

[ he picks up the large knife in one hand and the cleaver in the other hand, and tries to lift the axe with his foot ]

Sometimes I have a problem getting this started. I have to kick the axe up into the air. Throw the knife! Throw the cleaver! Run like hell! Here we -- here we go, here we go, herewego...

[ he sets this chain in motion and begins to juddle the three sharp instruments to great applause ]

Thank you! Thank you very much! Thank you! Thank you very much! You're too kind! Thank you. Thank you very much. Stopping is a problem. [ he takes a step closer to the audience ] If I could have you grab one of these for me... I don't care which one. [ he waits ] Oh, you don't want to get involved? You must be from New York. You're waiting for danger! [ he juggles the blades around his lifted leg ] DANGER! [ he lifts another leg across ] Warning! [ he juggles the blades behind his back ] Whoo-woo-whoo!

[ the audience applauds wildly ]

Okay! I'll show you a trick I'm working on -- juggling with my eyes closed. Something I'm working on. [ he blinks his eyes rapidly, never keeping them closed for more than a fraction of a second at a time ]

[ finally, he tosses the blades high into the air and catches them one, two, three ]

[ the audience applauds wildly, as he drops the blades and bows ]

Thank you.

[ fade ]


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