Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 2






81b: Susan St. James / The Kinks

Single Bars and Single Women

Written by: Michael O'Donoghue

Single Woman ... Christine Ebersole

[A neon sign reads: LONELY'S. Piano music. We pull back to reveal that we are in an almost empty drinking establishment, late at night. Behind the bar, a balding bartender cleans glasses with a towel. We discover a pretty blonde woman seated at the nearby piano bar with a drink in front of her, a silent jukebox and the neon sign glowing in the background behind her. While a young black man at the keyboard accompanies her, she sings a mournful, country-tinged ballad:]

Single Woman: [sings]
Single bars and single women
With a single thought in mind
Just to make it till the morning
Looking for what they can find
For a man you won't remember
For a night you can't forget
Do you come to this place often?
May I light your cigarette?

Drinkin' beer and Amaretto
Poppin' pills and smokin' dope
Hopin' for a new beginning
But beginning to lose hope
As you're waitin' for the moment
When a glance becomes a stare
Have you seen my new Camaro?
Do you like your sirloin rare?

Find a matchbook in the morning
With a name and number scrawled
When you phone, a woman answers
And you wish you never called
Just another heavy-hitter
Who was out to make a score
What's that perfume that you're wearin'?
Haven't I met you before?

With a twenty in your pocket
And a toothbrush in your purse
Life could get a whole lot better
But it better not get worse
Like when he's too drunk to make it
Just when you're too drunk to care
Do you mind if I come join ya?
Love your dress and love your hair
They are friendly when they meet you
They are strangers when they go
May I taste your Vodka Collins?
May I offer you some blow?

As it's gettin' near to closing
And the seconds pass like years
Lots of friends to share the laughter
Not a one to share the tears
And you wish they'd change the jukebox
'Cause the songs, they all sound the same
Would you let me buy you breakfast?
What's your sign and what's your name?
Do you dance? Are you a model?
Would you like to see a trick?
Did you read the latest novel?
Did you catch the latest flick?
Do you ski? Are you a jogger?
What's the matter? Are you gay?
Can I drop you off at my place?
Wanna party? Wanna play?

Single bars and single women
With a single thought in mind
Just to make it till the morning
Looking for what they can find

[Crane to a high angle shot that takes us up to a ceiling fan and looks down on the keyboardist, the singer and the bartender. Applause. The bartender looks on sadly as the lonely woman sips her drink and the keyboardist finishes the song. Fade.]


Submitted Anonymously


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