Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 3

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Guest Writer:

October 17th, 1981

George Kennedy

Miles Davis

Harry Anderson

Ron Howard

Regis Philbin

John Candy

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Control Room '81
Summary: When cameras start cutting out during a "To Tell The Truth" sketch, George Kennedy puts himself in Joe Patroni-mode to take over the control room and keep the broadcast on air.



George Kennedy's Monologue
Summary: George Kennedy is ready to redline tonight's broadcast.


Mister Robinson's Neighborhood
Summary: Mister Robinson (Eddie Murphy) receives an eviction notice from Mr. Landlord (Tim Kazurisnky), then travels to the Magical Land of Make-Believe to ask President Ronald Reagan where his money went.

Recurring Characters: Mister Robinson, Mr. Landlord.


53 at Studio 54
Summary: After discovering he's not on Studio 54's guest list, old-timer George Kennedy sings that it's no fun to be "53 at Studio 54".


A Few Minutes With Andy Rooney
Summary Jones: Andy Rooney (Joe Piscopo) grouses about chocolates and his nagging wife (Christine Ebersole), who registers a few grumpisms of her own.

Recurring Characters: Andy Rooney.


Velvet Jones School of Technology
Summary: Entrepreneur Velvet Jones (Eddie Murphy) pimps his new book: "I Wanna Be A Ho".

Recurring Characters: Velvet Jones.


Harry Anderson
Summary: Comic-magician Harry Anderson tears and repairs an audience member's $5 bill, then reveals the varied mechanisms that helped him pull off the illusion.

Mr. Bill Goes to L.A.
Summary: In a film by Walter Williams, Mr. Bill's sojourn in Los Angeles is interrupted by a cocaine bust that costs him his mansion, as well as an earthquake that swallows him whole.

Spray-On Laetril
Summary: Gwen (Christine Ebersole) shows Peggy (Mary Gross) how to clear up her unsightly lung cancer with a few easy sprays from the pump.


SNL Newsbreak with Brian Doyle-Murray
Summary: Eddie Murphy declares that no person is too ugly to have sex with. Juan Gavino (John Candy) gives the Mexican weather report.

La Cage Aux Folles '81

Up & At 'Em

Rubik's Teeth

Miles Davis performs "Jean Pierre"

Jake the Hired Hand

An Editorial Reply
Summary: Marilyn Monroe (Mary Gross) sings "Downers Are A Girl's Best Friend."

Recurring Characters: Marilyn Monroe.


Tuna Melts & Typing
Summary: Janitor (George Kennedy) and secretary (Christine Ebersole) discuss her engagement and chat about nostalgic music while eating late night tuna fish sandwiches.



SNL Transcripts

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