Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 7: Episode 5

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Guest Writer:

November 7th, 1981

Lauren Hutton

Rick James & The Stone City Band

William Burroughs

Joe Dicso

Andy Murphy

Rosie Shuster

Marilyn Suzanne Miller

Summary: Their message is simple: "Stay out of our way or we'll kill you."


Here's Cos
Summary: Bill Cosby's (Eddie Murphy) new album features his most popular and inane routines as performed on "The Tonight Show".

Recurring Characters: Bill Cosby.


Lauren's Dressing Room
Summary: Eddie Murphy is sure he has a shot with Lauren Hutton when she calls him to her dressing room to help her feel relaxed, but the vision of Joe Piscopo dissuades his efforts.


Hail to the Chief
Summary: Ed Meese (Tony Rosato) leads President Ronald Reagan (Joe Piscopo) to believe he's playing the part of the President of the United States in a new movie.

Recurring Characters: President Ronald Reagan, Ed Meese.


TransEastern Airlines
Summary: TransEastern Airlines employees happily proclaim that they treat their passengers like dirt.


Whisper Bubble Bath
Summary: Lauren Hutton touts the sensual bodybath that she soaks both herself and her dishes in.


Rick James & The Stone City Band performs "Give It To Me Baby"

Cheap Laffs
Summary: Tony Rosato presents a sketch idea whose laughs were too cheap to be taken seriously -- as Lauren Hutton promotes Macho Wipes, the abrasive toilet paper for the real men in her life.


SNL Newsbreak with Brian Doyle-Murray
Summary: Brian Doyle-Murray notes during his interview with Princess Di (Christine Ebersole) that she's a lot farther along in her pregnancy than she claims. Ted Koppel (Joe Piscopo) attempts to bridge the gap between Menachim Begin (Tim Kazurinsky) and Yasser Arafat (Tony Rosato). Eddie Murphy comments on his new 10th-story apartment, and his experiments in testing which animals land on their feet when dropped from that height.

Recurring Characters: Princess Di, Ted Koppel, Menachim Begin, Yasser Arafat.

Harlequin Romances
Summary: Harlequin Romance spokeswoman (Mary Gross) reads a selection from "Forbidden Jungle of Passion", a steamy tale of a man (Joe Piscopo) who disguises himself as a woman so he join a safari expedition led by the hard, rugged, and tryrannical Denise Dunn Davis (Lauren Hutton).


Reach Out
Recurring Characters: Brooke Shields.


Velvet Jones School of Technology
Recurring Characters: Velvet Jones.


Big Baser

William Burroughs
Summary: William Burroughs reads passages from his novel, "Naked Lunch".

Push Button To Explode Building
Summary: A man (Tom Davis) accidentally demolishes a building when he hits the wrong button at the crosswalk.

Note: Repeat from 81b.

Bitter People
Summary: Comedian Pat Cooper (Joe Piscopo) resents that he doesn't get to open for big-name musical acts in Las Vegas.


Rick James & The Stone City Band performs "Super Freak"

"Art is Ficial"
Summary: A look at the life of literary dog Maurice Blaget.


SNL Transcripts

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