Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 7: Episode 11




81k: James Coburn / Lindsey Buckingham

Jesus in Blue Jeans

Jerry Falwell.....Brian Doyle-Murray

Jerry Falwell: Parents, are you troubled by moral decay, rampant among today's teenagers? Hello, I'm Reverand Jerry Falwell. Have you ever wondered what your young people are listening to on those tiny headphones of theirs? I can assure you it's not our Master's voice. No, sir, it's the secret stereophonic whisperings of Satan. How many times have we seen a youngster listen to a rock and roll recording, and then talk back to his parents and fornicate? Never forget that it's only a short skip from the phonographic needle to the hypodermic needle. Rock and roll music is the Devil's music - until now. Because for just $9.98, you can use this same music to deliver your children from evil. It's all here in my new born-again rock and roll collection: Jesus in Blue Jeans. You get 24 great rock hits, but no sex and no drugs - just good rockin' love songs to God. Here's just some of what you get.

[ SUPER: "Help Me, Jesus ]
Jingle:
"Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus!
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus
Help me, Jesus, Help, help me, Jesus!"


Jerry Falwell: These are great rock and roll classics.

Jingle:
"It's my party, and I'll pray if I want to
pray if I want to
pray if I want to.
You would pray, too, if it happened to you!"


Jerry Falwell: "The Messiah's Back".

Jingle:
"The Messiah's back, and there's gonna be trouble.
(Hey-la, hey-la, the Messiah's back!)
Satan's here, you'd better cut out on the double.
(Hey-la, hey-la, the Messiah's back!)"


Jerry Falwell: And how about my personal favorite..

Jingle:
"Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got God in my tummy.."

Jerry Falwell: You even get this great Christmas classic:

Jingle:
"Baby Lord, my Baby Lord
I need you, oh how I need you."


Jerry Falwell: Ah, my Lord, that's righteous music! If you love your children, just send me that $9.98. But remember the Lord works in mysterious ways, so allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. And, if you order now, we'll send you, absolutely free, a one-year subscription to All Along the Watchtower magazine. Send for my record today, or burn in hellfire eternal.


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