Saturday Night Live Transcripts
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Season 8: Episode 1
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 Air Date:
Host:
Musical Guest:
Special Guests:
Cameos:
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September 25nd, 1982
Chevy Chase
Queen
None
John Zacherle
Danny DeVito
Gene Siskel
Roger Ebert
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Live From Burbank
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Summary: Chevy Chase appears via live video to explain that, due to a missed flight, he'll be hosting SNL from Burbank, California, not New York City. A stagehand then accidentally drops the TV set while wheeling Chevy to his first sketch.
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Chevy Chase's Monologue
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Summary: Chevy Chase addresses the audience from a damaged video screen.
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Tyrone Green
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Summary: African-American artist Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) demonstrates his hatred of white people and the violent nature of his work.
Recurring Characters: Tyrone Green.
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Joe Piscopo Loves Rose Kennedy
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Summary: Joe Piscopo announces that he and Rose Kennedy are in love, and asks Rose to marry him.
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John Hinckley For President
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Summary: Ronald Reagan's would-be assassin (Brad Hall) announces his presidential candidacy, and a duel platform of familiarity with the judicial system combined with outright insanity.
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Mystery Theatre
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Summary: Zacherle presents a brief scene in which the Land Shark (Chevy Chase), via satellite, attempts to gain entry into a woman's (Julia Louis-Dreyfous) residence.
Recurring Characters: Land Shark.
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Popiel Galactic Prophylactic
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Summary: Ron Popeil (Eddie Murphy) touts his amazing steel-reinforced condom and matching diaphragm.
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Late Night with David Letterman
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Summary: David Letterman (Joe Piscopo) presents a film from the perspective of his dog, Bob, and interviews guest Gumby (Eddie Murphy).
Recurring Characters: David Letterman, Gumby.
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Saturday Night News with Brad Hall
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Summary: Joe Piscopo reports on sports. Brad Hall delivers an editorial on James Watt, then phones him at home and calls him a slime. Father Andrew B. Titus (Tim Kazurinsky) reviews the Reader's Digest condensed Bible. Chevy Chase reports from Burbank instead of from Beirut.
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Queen performs "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
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Alan, A Video Junkie
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Summary: A profile of an adolescent boy who is destructively addicted to video games.
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PTC Club
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Summary: Preternaturally cheeful "prophet" April May June (Julia Louis Dreyfus) and a televangelist (Brad Hall) advocate the good word of Jesus, and a faith healer (Gary Kroeger) winds his way through the audience.
Recurring Characters: April May June.
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Siskel & Ebert
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Summary: Film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert give their critique of the episode while it's still in progress.
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Queen performs "Under Pressure"
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SNL Transcripts
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