Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 1


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Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

Cameos:


September 25nd, 1982

Chevy Chase

Queen

None

John Zacherle

Danny DeVito

Gene Siskel

Roger Ebert

Live From Burbank
Summary: Chevy Chase appears via live video to explain that, due to a missed flight, he'll be hosting SNL from Burbank, California, not New York City. A stagehand then accidentally drops the TV set while wheeling Chevy to his first sketch.

Transcript


Montage


Chevy Chase's Monologue
Summary: Chevy Chase addresses the audience from a damaged video screen.

Transcript


Tyrone Green
Summary: African-American artist Tyrone Green (Eddie Murphy) demonstrates his hatred of white people and the violent nature of his work.

Recurring Characters: Tyrone Green.

Transcript


Joe Piscopo Loves Rose Kennedy
Summary: Joe Piscopo announces that he and Rose Kennedy are in love, and asks Rose to marry him.


John Hinckley For President
Summary: Ronald Reagan's would-be assassin (Brad Hall) announces his presidential candidacy, and a duel platform of familiarity with the judicial system combined with outright insanity.

Transcript


Mystery Theatre
Summary: Zacherle presents a brief scene in which the Land Shark (Chevy Chase), via satellite, attempts to gain entry into a woman's (Julia Louis-Dreyfous) residence.

Recurring Characters: Land Shark.


Popiel Galactic Prophylactic
Summary: Ron Popeil (Eddie Murphy) touts his amazing steel-reinforced condom and matching diaphragm.

Transcript


Late Night with David Letterman
Summary: David Letterman (Joe Piscopo) presents a film from the perspective of his dog, Bob, and interviews guest Gumby (Eddie Murphy).

Recurring Characters: David Letterman, Gumby.


Saturday Night News with Brad Hall
Summary: Joe Piscopo reports on sports. Brad Hall delivers an editorial on James Watt, then phones him at home and calls him a slime. Father Andrew B. Titus (Tim Kazurinsky) reviews the Reader's Digest condensed Bible. Chevy Chase reports from Burbank instead of from Beirut.

Transcript


Queen performs "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"


Alan, A Video Junkie
Summary: A profile of an adolescent boy who is destructively addicted to video games.


PTC Club
Summary: Preternaturally cheeful "prophet" April May June (Julia Louis Dreyfus) and a televangelist (Brad Hall) advocate the good word of Jesus, and a faith healer (Gary Kroeger) winds his way through the audience.

Recurring Characters: April May June.


Siskel & Ebert
Summary: Film critics Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert give their critique of the episode while it's still in progress.

Transcript


Queen performs "Under Pressure"


Goodnights
Transcript



SNL Transcripts