Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 2




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82b: Louis Gossett, Jr. / George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers

Don't Hitch-Hike

Hitchhiker.....Tim Kazurinsky

[FADE IN on a man sitting on the shoulder of a narrow, deserted road in mid-afternoon. He is in a white short-sleeved shirt and tan chinos, a blue gym bag at his feet, holding a cardboard sign with "SPRINGFIELD" written on it. Birds are heard chirping in the woods around him. The hitchhiker stares into space, glances down at his watch in dismay, and stands up and begins to walk. A bee is heard buzzing, and he swats it irritably with his sign and tosses it away. He hitches up his belt and takes a few steps down the road, then hears a car engine accelerating behind him.]

[CUT to the other end of the road, where a white car can be seen making its way down a hill. The man turns around and eagerly waits, warms up his thumb, and sticks it out.]

[CUT to a closer shot of the car, a white Rolls Royce with New York plates, as it comes to a stop. CUT to the front windshield and a beautiful blonde woman in her thirties wearing a pearl necklace. She tilts her head to beckon the man inside. The hitchhiker grins and hops into the passenger seat. After closing the door, he turns to her and then looks her up and down in disbelief.]

[CUT to the woman's bare legs, then PAN up her slender body to reveal her wearing nothing but a white bra and panties. She gives him a smoldering look and takes off down the road. The rider glances helplessly down at her bare legs and laquered fingernails as she moves her hand slowly down her leg to a tape deck. She gently pushes in a cassette which plays soaring, romantic music. The hitchhiker smiles, dazed, and glances again at her breasts inside her cotton bra while she slips him another pert glance and licks her lips.]

[CUT back to his face as she takes his glasses off and puts one tip in her mouth for a moment before tossing them in the back seat. He watches in amazement as she reaches over, rubs his chest, and tears off his shirt in one motion. Frantcially, the man pulls off his shoes and socks and passionately kisses her bare shoulder. She grins in ecstasy and floors the accelerator. The man looks up in horror.]

[CUT to the Rolls barreling down a steep hill and then plummeting off a hundred-foot cliff while the music hits a dramatic note. The car flips once and crashes on its roof before bouncing over a bank and out of sight.]

Announcer: Last year, more than 3000 young people were killed hitch-hiking. Don't hitch-hike.

[SUPERIMPOSE "DON'T HITCH-HIKE," and below it a small caption reading, "A Message from the Department of Highway Safety." FADE to black over applause.]


Submitted by: Sean


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