82i: Eddie Murphy / Lionel Richie
... Eddie Murphy
... Steve Martin
[Alone at home base, Eddie Murphy tries to say
Eddie Murphy: I'd thank you all for tuning in
to "The Eddie Murphy Show" this evening. ... We had a
fantastic time. It was a great - [a disturbance in the
crowd, somebody screams] It was a great
[Deafening cheers and applause drown out Eddie.
Abruptly, an agitated Steve Martin emerges from the
audience and joins Eddie. The crowd goes
Steve Martin: Hold it! Hold it just a minute!
No, wait! I'm sorry! Wait! [cheers and applause
continues as Steve Martin tries to get a grip on
himself - Eddie looks on blankly - the rest of the
cast is standing in the background as the crowd in
Studio 8H goes nuts] Hold it just a second! I'm sorry!
[Steve puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder as the noise
subsides] You know, I'm sitting at home, watching the
show, they say there's gonna be no host! I'm sittin'
home alone. I say, "What's goin' on here? No host?!"
And I'm sittin' home alone?! ... [applause] I
mean, Eddie -- you're takin' money out o' MY pocket!
... I'm a professional host! I mean, you got a lot o'
guys! [counts on his fingers] You got Letterman, you
got Carson, you got me, you got Buck Henry! We're
sittin' home alone?! ... I mean, I got mouths
to feed! I got thirteen illegitimate kids across the
country. ... [applause] I called three girls up
tonight. None of 'em'd go out with me! You know why?
[sobs] 'Cuz I hadn't hosted in two years! ... I'm
sittin' home alone! There's no host! Nobody calls me!
[suddenly angry] This is the kind of thing that really
irritates me! I'll tell ya something--! And if you
feel OFFENDED -- and your cast and your producer feel
OFFENDED -- that I've come out here like this-- Well,
[Huge cheers and applause as Steve Martin stalks off
the stage and exits. Eddie, who has stared blankly at
Steve throughout the tirade, watches him go. The rest
of the cast, led by Tim Kazurinsky, laughs, applauds
and joins Eddie at center stage to wave at the crowd.
Credits roll. Tim shakes Eddie's hand. The cast
mingles with Lionel Ritchie and his band.]
Don Pardo V/O: Join us in future weeks when our
hosts will be Howard Hesseman and Bill Murray. Until
next time, this is Don Pardo saying: I'm glad we have
these little talks. It's so lonely in this
announce booth. Johnny Olsen, if you're listening,
give me a call! Good night.