Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 14




82n: Beau & Jeff Bridges / Randy Newman

Texxon

Voice-over: A new community center for senior citizens. A lifesaving clinic for treating athsmatic children. A free job training program for unemployed veterans. What do they all have in common?

(Texxon logo shown on screen)

Texxon oil. Grants from the Texxon foundation paid for them all.

(shows news magazines with front-page stories about extravangant oil company profits)

So when we hear a lot of loose talk about "price fixing" and "windfall profits," it worries us. We want to go on helping the needy.

(cut to scene of protesters in front of Capitol Hill, demanding regulations and taxes on oil companies)

So the next time you take an irresponsible swipe at an oil company, remember, who's going to feel the pinch first?

Elderly man: If anything happens to the oil depletion allowance, I'm as good as dead.

Unemployed Veteran: If these dudes don't get some offshore oil leases, I'll be back on the streets. And I'll be mad.

Athsmatic Little Girl: Please don't pull the plug on me. Support the deregulation of natural gas.

(background music turns dramatic, logo and motto appear on screen)

Voice-over: Texxon. Do what we say, and nobody gets hurt.


Submitted by: Tony Dumont


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