Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 8: Episode 18




82r: Susan St. James / Michael McDonald

Our Generation

Mother.....Susan Saint James
Eugene Beakman.....Gary Kroeger
Father.....Joe Piscopo
Buddy.....Brad Hall
Leslie.....Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Lottery Spokesman.....Tim Kazurinsky

[Eugene is lounging in a chair in a living room, bored and listless]

Mother: Eugene, why don't you go out and look for a job today?

Eugene: Nah. I don't feel like doing much of anything.

Mother: Well, then, why don't you go clean up your room?

Eugene: Nah.

Mother: Eugene, would like to sell your mother's jewelry and buy yourself an expensive sports car?

Eugene: Nah.

Mother: Then do nothing, you good-for-nothing bum! All you ever do is sit around the house all day. You're no son of mine. Look at your brother Frank: he's twenty-nine years old and he has his own law firm. You're twenty-six year old and you're still living at home. It's time for you to move out!

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Eunice, where's the morning paper?

Mother: Look at your son, Harvey. He's a good-for-nothing bum. He just sits around the house all day.

Father: Oh, hey, hey, hey. What's the matter, sport? How'd you like to go outside and play some ball with the old man, huh?

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Well, you wanna go upstairs and help me put in the screen windows? I need some help, you know.

Eugene: Nah.

Father: I know; I know what you'd like. How'd you like a thousand dollars to go out and buy the best darn drum set around, huh? Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Eugene: Nah.

Father: Well, you go straight to Hell, you little bum. Your mother’s right; you're nothing but a bum. Why can't you be more like your sister? She's half your age and already a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford. Why don't you just go crawl in a hole and die somewhere?

Eugene: Nah.

[Doorbell rings. Mother lets in Buddy and Leslie]

Mother: Hi.

Buddy: Hi, Ms. Beakman. Is Eugie here? Oh, hey, Eugie, how you doin', man? You wanna go out and have some fun with your buddy?

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Well uh, Les and I are gonna go to the Cubs game. We got an extra ticket; how ‘bout it? Huh?

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: Awe, come on, Eugie. I'll make non-stop love to you in the car on the way.

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: Aw, you can go to Hell, Eugie.

Buddy: Yeah, Eugie, you're a good-for-nothing. You're a human waste.

Leslie: Why don't you just go suck an egg?

Eugene: Nah.

Leslie: I'm getting out of here, Eugie.

Buddy: Yeah, me too. See ya.

[Lottery Spokesman is at door when they open it to leave]

Lottery Spokesman: Is this the home of Mr. Eugene Beakman?

Leslie: Oh, yeah, he's right over there.

Lottery Spokesman: Well, Mr. Beakman, you are the winner of the Sunset House Golden 50th Anniversary Sweepstakes. You've just won one million dollars! That's a thousand dollars a year for the rest of your life, every year.

Buddy: Oh my God! Eugie, way to go, buddy!

Leslie: Eugie, that is...

Lottery Spokesman: You will never have to work another day in your life. All you have to do is sign here.

Eugene: Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: Well, I need your signature to verify that you've won.

Eugene: Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: If you don't sign this, I can't give you the money.

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Come on, Eugie, get it together. Come on, man!

Lottery Spokesman: Oh, Mr. Beakman, don't be an idiot! This is - this is a million dollars! You'll never have to work another day in your life!

Eugene: [pauses for thought] Nah.

Lottery Spokesman: You're the luckiest man alive! You've won...

Buddy: Come on, Eugie, get it together, man!

Leslie: Come on, wake up, Eugie.

Eugene: Nah.

Buddy: Eugie!

Leslie: Eugie!

Lottery Spokesman: Mr. Beakman!

[Eugene starts to exit]

Father: Eugene, come to your senses, son. What are you doin’?

Mother: Eugene, where are you going?

Eugene: Mmm. Thought I'd go upstairs... diddle with my fiddle.


Submitted by: Melissa Snyder


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