Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 9: Episode 8






83h: Flip Wilson / Stevie Nicks

Older Sisters of the Young

Mary Tyler Moore.....Mary Gross

[ Open on Mary Tyler Moore sitting in an armchair in a study. ]

Mary Tyler Moore: [ sing-songy voice ] Hi! I'm Mary Tyler Moore. You know, Christmas is a time for the very young. A time to think about those kids who really need someone to love them, and give them a home. So I myself have just adopted one of these children. For eight years, he was shuttled from hospital to hospital, never knowing a good night's sleep or a decent meal.

[ A young man sits by her side. She gives a glance, then faces the camera again ]

Mary Tyler Moore: Yes, Richard was in medical school. And like thousands of other attractive young doctors, he desperately needed the guiding hand of a mature, experienced woman. I adopted this unfortunate, muscular young man, and I haven't regretted it for a minute! And for just a few hundred thousand dollars a year, you can support one of these poor, vigorous young bucks, and enjoy all his love, warmth and boundless physical endurance. So, if you're between the ages of 35 and ... whatever ...

[ An address is displayed ]

Mary Tyler Moore: ... write to Older Sisters of the Young, Post Office Box 52, Beverly Hills, California. Boy, a young body is a terrible thing to waste.

[ fade ]


Submitted by: G. Gomez


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