Gandhi and the Bandit

Announcer .... Joe Piscopo
Gandhi ... Tim Kazurinsky
Bandit ... Gary Kroeger
Lady Hitchhiker ... Julia Louis-Dreyfus

[Uptempo banjo music over footage of a country road. Police cars, with lights flashing and sirens blaring, chase a yellow tractor trailer.]

Announcer V/O: Nobody knew where he came from. All they knew was that he was the fastest thing on eighteen wheels. First, he brought the British Empire to its knees. And now he's taking on the Highway Patrol! It's Gandhi and the Bandit!

[SUPER: Gandhi and the Bandit - We dissolve to the cab of the yellow truck where bald, bespectacled Mahatma Gandhi drives. Flowers and pictures of Indian movie stars decorate the cab interior. The banjo music becomes sitar music.]

Announcer V/O: He was heaven on earth but hell on wheels!

Gandhi: [Indian accent, into CB radio] Breaker! Breaker! If you please, this is the Sacred Cowboy calling Bandit! Bandit, do you read me?

Bandit's Voice: Affirmative, Cowboy, I gotcha.

Gandhi: How am I looking, most excellent buddy?

Bandit's Voice: Not so good, partner. You got two smokies on your tail and a bear in the air. I hope you got a shotgun in that rig, hoss.

Gandhi: Oh, Bandit! You know that the path of violence leads nowhere. I believe this situation requires only a little passive resistance.

[Dissolve to aerial footage of a rural crossroads where the yellow truck deftly avoids four police cars coming at it from all directions. Another aerial view shows the truck outrunning the police.]

Announcer V/O: Gandhi -- he's fast! And he's fasting! He's got love in his heart and six hundred horses under his hood. He picked up four hundred million devout followers -- and one lady hitchhiker!

[Dissolve to cab of truck where Gandhi has been joined by a sexy, gum-chewing blonde in a red dress.]

Lady Hitchhiker: [thick Southern accent] Hot damn, Mahatma! Where'd you learn to drive like that?

Gandhi: Well, I have put many miles on the road to salvation.

Lady Hitchhiker: Oh, yeah? I think I ate at the Stuckey's there, once.

Gandhi: You have much to learn, shapely one!

[Lady Hitchhiker laughs as Gandhi speaks into his CB radio.]

Gandhi: All right, good buddies, we have to make the United Nations by nightfall.

Lady Hitchhiker: [loud, enthusiastic] Yee-haw!

Gandhi: [quiet, polite] Yee-haw.

Announcer V/O: Nobody messes with the Mahatma! Gandhi -- he's untouchable!

[Dissolve to aerial view of truck and police car. SUPER: Gandhi and the Bandit]

Announcer V/O: Gandhi and the Bandit! Coming this summer.

[We hear the police siren and a few last notes plucked out on the banjo before we fade.]

Submitted Anonymously

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