Gandhi and the Bandit
Announcer .... Joe Piscopo
Gandhi ... Tim Kazurinsky
Bandit ... Gary Kroeger
Lady Hitchhiker ... Julia Louis-Dreyfus
[Uptempo banjo music over footage of a country road.
Police cars, with lights flashing and sirens blaring,
chase a yellow tractor trailer.]
Announcer V/O: Nobody knew where he came from.
All they knew was that he was the fastest thing on
eighteen wheels. First, he brought the British Empire
to its knees. And now he's taking on the Highway
Patrol! It's Gandhi and the Bandit!
[SUPER: Gandhi and the Bandit - We dissolve to the cab
of the yellow truck where bald, bespectacled Mahatma
Gandhi drives. Flowers and pictures of Indian movie
stars decorate the cab interior. The banjo music
becomes sitar music.]
Announcer V/O: He was heaven on earth but hell
Gandhi: [Indian accent, into CB radio] Breaker!
Breaker! If you please, this is the Sacred Cowboy
calling Bandit! Bandit, do you read me?
Bandit's Voice: Affirmative, Cowboy, I gotcha.
Gandhi: How am I looking, most excellent
Bandit's Voice: Not so good, partner. You got
two smokies on your tail and a bear in the air. I hope
you got a shotgun in that rig, hoss.
Gandhi: Oh, Bandit! You know that the path of
violence leads nowhere. I believe this situation
requires only a little passive resistance.
[Dissolve to aerial footage of a rural crossroads
where the yellow truck deftly avoids four police cars
coming at it from all directions. Another aerial view
shows the truck outrunning the police.]
Announcer V/O: Gandhi -- he's fast! And he's
fasting! He's got love in his heart and six hundred
horses under his hood. He picked up four hundred
million devout followers -- and one lady
[Dissolve to cab of truck where Gandhi has been joined
by a sexy, gum-chewing blonde in a red dress.]
Lady Hitchhiker: [thick Southern accent] Hot
damn, Mahatma! Where'd you learn to drive like
Gandhi: Well, I have put many miles on the road
Lady Hitchhiker: Oh, yeah? I think I ate at the
Stuckey's there, once.
Gandhi: You have much to learn, shapely
[Lady Hitchhiker laughs as Gandhi speaks into his CB
Gandhi: All right, good buddies, we have to
make the United Nations by nightfall.
Lady Hitchhiker: [loud, enthusiastic]
Gandhi: [quiet, polite] Yee-haw.
Announcer V/O: Nobody messes with the Mahatma!
Gandhi -- he's untouchable!
[Dissolve to aerial view of truck and police car.
SUPER: Gandhi and the Bandit]
Announcer V/O: Gandhi and the Bandit! Coming
[We hear the police siren and a few last notes plucked
out on the banjo before we fade.]