Mime Roommate

Tim.....Brad Hall
Rene.....Robin Williams
Voice of Deborah.....Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Neighbors.....Gary Kroeger, Mary Gross



[ open on dark apartment, as Tim opens the door and sticks his head inside ]

Tim: Rene? Rene, you up? [ satisfied that he's home alone for the evening ] Good.

[ Tim turns on the lights, and whistles as Rene pokes his head up from berhind the couch and follows him across the room, mimicking Tim's actions as he pours himself a drink ]

Tim: Rene! Rene, I asked you not to do that any more, okay, Rene?

[ Rene contionues, patting Tim's shoulder ]

Tim: Rene! Rene! Please! Rene, I'm not in a good mood, alright?

[ Rene mimes playing the violin ]

Tim: No. Rene, I'm actually in a very bad mood!

[ Rene makes a sad face, to Tim's disgust ]

Tim: Rene, I got fired today! Alright? [ sits on the couch ] I go straight over to see Deborah. I even took her some flowers. Well, we got into a huge fight --

[ Rene mimes a fencing move ]

Tim: No! No! Rene, please stop horsing around, will ya', please?

[ Rene prances around the room like a horse ]

Tim: Rene, cut it out!

[ Rene walks over to the television, and touches the knob ]

Tim: No! No, I don't want to watch television! I haven't wanted to watch television since you disconnected the sound, Rene. No, Rene, please! Listen. Rene. Did Deborah call here tonight? [ Rene shrugs ] Did she? [ Rene shrugs again ] I'm sorry, I have to go to the bathroom, alright? Will you excuse me? Thanks.

[ Tim walks across the room, as Rene follows in a mimicking fashion ]

Tim: By myself!

[ Tim exits to the bathroom. Rene sits on the couch and picks up the newspaper. Forgetting himself, he drops the newspaper, then mimes reading an invisible newspaper. ]

[ the phone rings ]

Voice of Tim: If that's Deborah, don't let her hang up!

[ Rene answers the phone, not saying a word ]

Voice of Deborah: Tim, it's Deborah. Now, please, just listen to me. All I want to say is.. I'm sorry.

[ Rene is silent, but makes faces at the phone ]

Voice of Deborah: Oh, come on! I said I'm sorry! The least you can do is accept my apology!

[ Rene is silent, but makes faces at the phone ]

Voice of Deborah: Alright, fine! Well, if you're going to be a baby, then I guess we are through!

[ Tim comes running back into the room ]

Tim: Give it to me! Give me the phone! [ Rene won't let go ] Come on! Please! Rene! Come on! [ grabs the phone loose ] Hello! Hello!

[ the dial tone sounds ]

Tim: Who was it, Rene? [ Rene shrugs ] Rene, Rene! Who was that?! Was that Deborah? [ Rene points to his own face ] Rene! [ grabs Rene's shoulders ] I hate you, Rene! I hate mimes! Everybody hates mimes, Rene! Do you understand me?! [ Rene pats at Tim's chest ] You're not even a good mime, Rene! [ grabs Rene by the throat ] Rene! Rene, I could kill you! You hear me? I could kill you, and I could get away with it, because nobody would hear your screams, Rene!

[ Tim tosses Rene back and forth by the neck, then releases his grip. Rene continues to mime being tossed about. ]

Tim: Rene! I gotta get a grip on myself! I need some air - excuse me, Rene!

[ Tim prepares to open the window, as Rene mimes walking against the wind ]

Tim: No! Stop it! Stop it! Not the walking against the wind - just stop it, Rene! It is my fault! I never should have moved in here, no matter how broke I was! I never should have moved in here! living with you, it's driving me crazy!!

[ Tim throws his arms around wildly in frustration, which Rene mirrors exactly ]

Tim: No! Rene! Not the mirror, please! Rene! Not the mirror! Rene, I hate the mirror! God!

[ frustrated, Tim pulls a gun out of a desk drawer and points it at Rene ]

Tim: You! Because of you, my life is going nowhere, Rene! I'm warning you! Rene, I'm at the end of my rope!

[ Rene mimes playing tug-of-war with a rope ]

Tim: Rene! No!

[ neighbors begin to pound on the door, concerned by the commotion coming from within ]

Voice of Neighbors: Hey!! What's going on in there?!

Tim: This miming! It's a sickness! It's a disease, Rene! God, I feel like I'm talking to a wall!!

[ Rene mimes moving his hands up a glass wall ]

Tim: No! Not the wall, Rene! Please! Rene! Don't! Aaaaggghhhh!!!

[ Tim finally shoots Rene ]

Rene: God, man.. how real!

[ Rene collapses onto the couch, as the neighbors come bursting through the door ]

Male Neighbor: What was that? Oh, my God! What happened?

Tim: [ shocked by the result of his frustration ] I.. I killed a mime.

[ a beat ]

Neighbors: [ thrilled ] Alright!! Hey, buddy!!

[ the neighbors crowd around to pay achievement to Tim's victory ]

[ zoom out to fade ]


SNL Transcripts