Michael McKean's Monologue

.....Michael McKean
Voice of Audience Member.....Larry David

Michael McKean: Thank you! Thank you very much! Ohhhhh, that is so invigorating! Thank you very much, and thank you, "Saturday Night Live", for having me on the program! For an actor.. for an actor, this is the best of all possible worlds. I'm working in New York - it's my hometown. I'm doing live television - which is a little terrifying, but wonderful. I'm working with the whole "Saturday Night" gang, and they're just the best. All this - and Chaka Khan, too. Huh? [ audience applauds wildly ] It's a rhetorical question now - what more could an actor ask for. And I say "actor" advisedly. I'm not really a monologist, I'm not a stand-up comic - I do comedy, yes, but uh.. it's really not all I do. And, uh.. I'd like to break the ice a little, if I may now, with something kind of different. This is an 18th Century Scottish a capella dirge.. and I hope you enjoy it.

[ singing ]
"Ohhhhhhh, Lord I have seen the daaaaayy.."

Voice of Audience Member: [ interrupting continuously ] Hey, Lenny! .. Yo! Len-ny! .. "Laverne & Shirley"! .. Hey! How's your short friend Squiggy?! .. Hey, where's Squiggy, Lenny?!

Michael McKean: [ stops singing ] No.. I'll handle it, Bob. Sir? Sir, whoever you are.. do you know anything about performers? Performers are human beings, sir! If I don't deserve your respect, at least I deserve your attention! I apppreciate that you know me as Lenny - that's fine. But.. d-did you see "Spinal Tap"? Did you know as "This Is Spinal Tap"? The actor-musician? "This Is Spinal Tap" received marvelous reviews and did great business!

Voice of Audience Member: No..

Michael McKean: Do you know me as the actor who worked in 1969 at the Eugene O'Neill Playwrights Foundation Conference?!

Voice of Audience Member: Yeah, I'm familiar with that..

Michael McKean: Do you know any of this, sir?! What do I have to do to get your respect, sir?! Doi you want me to do Hamlet?! I've done Hamlet! I did Hamlet! And, frankly, I think my Hamlet would be wasted on you.

[ sings ]

"Ohhhhhhh, Lord I --"

Voice of Audience Member: Hey, Hamlet! Where's Squiggy?!

Michael McKean: [ stops singing ] I'll talk to you later. [ to the audience ] Thank you very much - have a good time, in spite of him.

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