Eddie Murphy's Monologue

.....Eddie Murphy



Don Pardo: Ladies and Gentlemen, Eddie Murphy!

[Huge audience applause as Eddie walks on stage]

Eddie Murphy: Thank you! [Applause continues. Eddie twirls both of his hands and points upward, sending the audience into even more of a frenzy] Oh, thank you.

This is very bizarre, 'cause I grew up on this show, it's bizarre to host it. I feel strange, and I'm very nervous, 'cause I haven't done this in a year and a half, so just bear with me. I said last year that, um, when I left the show, I swore that I would never do Saturday Night Live again, because I said the show was terrible. Really, and I did 48 Hours and Trading Places, and I felt I was an actor now. It was like "Saturday Night Live? HA!" Really, that was my vibe last year. And after I did 48 Hours and Trading Places, all these scripts started comin' from everywhere, and I picked up a script called Best Defense…there's a movie that sucked real bad! At first, I wasn't gonna do it, because I read the script, and I felt like I was an actor at first, but the money they gave me to do Best Defense, y'all woulda done Best Defense, too, okay!

But I read the script at first, and the script was terrible, I was like, "What?! How dare you give me a script like this! Oh, that much money? Let's go!" So I read the script Best Defense, I went out and did Best Defense, Best Defense turned out to be the worst movie ever done in the history of anything, and all of a sudden, I wasn't that hot no more. So, I called up the producer of Saturday Night Live, and I go, "Um, you still got my dressin' room?" and he said, "Why don't you come back on the show and host the Christmas show?" so I said, "You bet!" So, I signed the contracts to host the Christmas show, and while I was waiting for Christmas to come, sitting in my house by myself, somebody brought me a script for a movie called Beverly Hills Cop [Applause at mention of the movie]. Did Beverly Hills Cop, Beverly Hills Cop is a hit, all of a sudden, I'm an actor again. But, it's too late to pull out, so I had to host the show.

But, I'm back, and oddly enough, I been having a good time, and the new people are fun, and it's bizarre to be standin' here, but I been havin' a good time, it's good to be back this week, but before we get into the laugh stuff, and I want you to know you can laugh, you can have a good time tonight, we have a good time and you gonna laugh, not everything on the show is hysterical. I know lots of times they tell you we have a great show, they come out, and they lie to you. You sit there and you see some things that suck. Tonight is the same. Most of the show is good, but, there'll be 2 or 3 things that you'll go, "That's not funny!" and I just want you to be prepared for that, okay.

Now, before we get into the funny stuff, I want you to see something I take very seriously, I want you to watch somethin'. Watch this.

[Monologue comes to an end as screen dissolves to "White Like Eddie"]


Thanks to Larry Petit for this transcript!


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