Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 10: Episode 10

84j: Kathleen Turner / John Waite

Strictly From Blackwell

Mr. Blackwell ... Harry Shearer
Bobby Bouchet ... Martin Short

[Card reads: STRICTLY FROM BLACKWELL. We hear the hushed, mellow, oddly cadenced voice of fashion expert Mr. Blackwell before we dissolve to him. He is a wrinkled, gray-haired, purple plaid-jacketed, microphone-wielding talk show host who addresses the camera.]

Mr. Blackwell: From the newest of the new addresses on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, a selection of four designer boutiques inside one fabulous storefront, Le Boutiqueteria, direct from the second floor, this is Strictly From Blackwell. I am Blackwell.

[Pull wide to reveal Blackwell's guest seated next to him -- a jittery, nervous, mustachioed, blow-dried, turtleneck-wearing theatrical type guy named Bobby Bouchet. The two men sit beneath a sign reading "Le Boutiqueteria" on a stylish talk show set.]

Mr. Blackwell: And joining us today is a young man involved in the musical theater -- we will talk, we will have good conversation -- currently in "Irma La Douce." What a delight that this show has been brought back at the James Franciscus Dinner Theater ... in nearby La Mirada, California. Mr. Bobby Bouchet. Bobby, welcome.

Bobby Bouchet: [equally hushed mellow voice] Thank you.

Mr. Blackwell: You know ... you're doing dinner theater in La Mirada which I feel-- I would not do dinner theater in a Hollywood, in a Beverly Hills, in a Sherman Oaks, in a Studio City. In a Westwood - [chortles] - no way - would I do dinner theater in a Westwood. I would in a La Mirada. Interesting.

Bobby Bouchet: Well, La Mirada ... has a lot of older folks and they are really wanting to see a show but they also want to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And, uh, so, there's an interesting package. They get the show -

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: - and they get the - the - the food.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: And they get, uh, uh, all gratuities. And they get four different kinds of salad dressings.

Mr. Blackwell: There is a choice of dressings? ...

Bobby Bouchet: There is four dressings. With - with one salad included, of course.

Mr. Blackwell: Yes.

Bobby Bouchet: And it's all for twenty-seven ninety-nine.

Mr. Blackwell: Yeah.

Bobby Bouchet: Plus -- they don't have to see the whole show.

Mr. Blackwell: They do not have to see the whole show?

Bobby Bouchet: No. Because it's not the whole show. It's - it's an abridged version. It's like that dinner theater type of - of theater.

Mr. Blackwell: You could not see the whole show if you wanted?

Bobby Bouchet: No.

Mr. Blackwell: This is like what they do in Las Vegas where they - they give you just the crême de la cream of the show ... And you're - you're seeing the best numbers and the best moments and the best songs and the best costumes and the best sets -- and still you're out in an hour.

Bobby Bouchet: [proudly] And ... Robert Clary of "Hogan's Heroes" staged it for us.

Mr. Blackwell: [genuinely delighted] Did he? ... Did he?

Bobby Bouchet: That's not too bad.

Mr. Blackwell: He does wonderful work. How many ... How many in the company?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, uh, the original Broadway production, which I stayed clear of, because I - I didn't really want to be affected by it-- You want to bring your own th - thing to it--

Mr. Blackwell: This is good. This is good.

Bobby Bouchet: But - but - but - the original Broadway production has, uh, had forty, fifty people in it. Ours is more scaled down.

Mr. Blackwell: Sure.

Bobby Bouchet: We have - we have seven people in it. ...

Mr. Blackwell: This is interesting, I think, to the audience on the cable. What is - a "douce"? I have heard that it is French slang for a tart, for a prostitute. Is this true? Is this what the show is about, Bobby?

Bobby Bouchet: Exactly. But, you see, people are eating, so we - we kind of stay clear of that and - and we have more fun with her being a prostitute.

Mr. Blackwell: [laughs lustily] I love that! "Fun with her being a prostitute"! [laughs, suddenly mellow again] That is good fun. Okay, when ... When you say they're eating -- and now--?

Bobby Bouchet: I brought you a menu, to explain better. [excitedly pulls out a huge menu labeled "BILL OF FARE" and hands it to Blackwell]

Mr. Blackwell: Fabulous. This is wonderful - to share with our viewers. Okay, look, let - let us maybe-- Can we get a - a close-up on the other camera - [holds menu up to wrong camera] - and just show what we are doing here? Does this work? Okay, now ... All right, this way? Okay. [angle changes - turns menu to wrong camera again, reads from menu] This is the ... the, uh, Backstage Cut, which is the regular roast beef, which is thirteen ninety-five. I must tell you. I defy anyone -- [drops menu, Bobby retrieves it for him and puts it in his lap] oh, to find a regular prime rib of this quality - and I've not had the meat there - but, er, just looking at the menu, you can see the quality of the food in the presentation of the show. ... which I do want to see. But I don't think anywhere in a La Mirada you can get a prime rib for that. I don't know.

Bobby Bouchet: Oh, no, no, no. You're not - You're not gonna get a better prime rib than that anywhere. In fact - fact, people who've seen the show have just come back to eat.

Mr. Blackwell: That is wonderful. ... There is a Twin Bill, which is the double lamb chops, which I love. There is the, uh, Leading Man/Leading Lady, which is the steak and lobster. [sets the large menu down] I love the size of the menus, like the big bulky sweaters. Okay, your big songs, Bobby, are what?

Bobby Bouchet: "From a Prison Cell."

Mr. Blackwell: That's the name of the song?

Bobby Bouchet: That's the name of the song.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, and you do that where?

Bobby Bouchet: In a prison cell. By the salad bar.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, good. Now ... I was reading a little bit about your background. You have interesting parents. Should we say "interesting parents"? Is this fair to say?

Bobby Bouchet: [nods, grins] Oh, you mean my biological parents? You're talking about my biological parents now? Yes, well, this is something I like to talk about but, a lot of times, I get a lot of flak for it but, uh, anyway, uh - uh - uh - My biological parents were - John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe. ...

Mr. Blackwell: Interesting. The ones we've heard of?

Bobby Bouchet: The president and the movie star, yes.

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, but w-w-w-when you say they were your parents -- did you know them?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, I mean, you couldn't know them -- they were so much in the public eye.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn't that sad?

Bobby Bouchet: Yeah.

Mr. Blackwell: Isn't that true? Uh, so who did you grow up knowing as the "Mom," as the "Dad"?

Bobby Bouchet: My legal parents. And I love them and - and everything but - but they - they did not know that I was related to John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe.

Mr. Blackwell: They adopted you?

Bobby Bouchet: Well, they won't admit it. They won't claim it. So, uh, I - They-- According to them, I am their biological son and - and - and I love them, as I said, and respect them, and because I reside under their roof--

Mr. Blackwell: Well, you - you pay them the respect that they deserve.

Bobby Bouchet: And pretend to be biologically related to them. ...

Mr. Blackwell: Okay, you know, I've known you for a very short period of time, Bobby, but there is an integrity to you and an authority and a belief in yourself which I say more people these days should have. What I hear is a simply wonderful production of "Irma La Douce"-- The three piece ensemble provides music. That is what? Piano?

Bobby Bouchet: Organ and harp.

Mr. Blackwell: Piano, organ and harp. ... To get a very full feeling to the show. Bobby Bouchet. It was a pleasure to meet you. It really was.

Bobby Bouchet: This wasn't so bad.

Mr. Blackwell: No, this wasn't at all. Bobby Bouchet - on stage - in front of - the food - ... in "Irma La Douce" down in La Mirada. I wanted to ask him if he ever ad libs in a musical. I've always wanted to ask an actor this -

Bobby Bouchet: [shakes his head, amused] No.

Mr. Blackwell: - but we don't have time, we must vanish. Next -- for the first time, the Worst-Dressed Men List. This should be fun! Till then, strictly from Blackwell. Bye-bye.

[Blackwell converses with his guest as we pull back and a kind of "Holiday for Strings"-type theme music plays. Applause. Dissolve back to opening title card. Fade.]

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