Jack's Discount Emporium Jack.....Jon Lovitz Abraham Lincoln.....Terry Sweeney George Washington.....Dennis Miller Sitting Bull....Randy Quaid Sherlock Holmes.....Jim Downey Tarzan.....Robert Downey, Jr. Announcer.....Don Pardo [newspaper with headline "Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday Sale-abration" spins onto screen] Announcer [V/O]:  It's a Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday Sale-abration! [wipe to Jack, a man wearing a plaid jacket and tie.  He is standing behind a counter with assorted merchandise in front of racks of linens marked "Sale"] Jack:  Hey, this is Jack of Jack's Discount Emporium saying come on down to the Martin Luther King Jr.'s Birthday White Sale!  [Flashing super: WHITE SALE!]  This Monday, January 20th, we shall overcome high prices!  Mine eyes have seen the glory of Phil Blass, Laura Ashley and Perry Ellis bedspreads for the low, low price of $19.99!  [Flashing super: $19.99]  That's only $19.99! [wipe to Abraham Lincoln impersonater in front of white brick wall set] Lincoln:  Four score and seven -- [Washington impersonator walks up beside him]  George Washington?!? Washington:  I cannot tell a Lie, Abe!  I'm going to Jack's Warehouse Outlet Sale for the Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday White Sale! [wipe back to Jack, hands together at the side of his head] Jack:  I have a dream!  You wanted quality linens [holds up merchandise] at the lowest prices in town! [wipe back to brick wall set, now with Sherlock Holmes and Sitting Bull impersonators standing in front of it] Sitting Bull:  [raises left hand] How...how...how do they do it? Sherlock Holmes:  [removes pipe from mouth]  Elementary, my dear Sitting Bull.  Low overhead means low prices! [wipe back to Jack] Jack:  [hands above eyes]  I have seen the other side of the mountain!  [lowers hands]  And the prices are way, way higher!  So march on down to the King!  King!  King Sized savings at Jack's Warehouse Emporium! [dissolve to graphic of store with address super] Announcer [V/O]:  Jack's Discount Emporium, Route 23 Dempster. [Dissolve to brick wall set with Tarzan impersonator standing in front] Off-stage voice:  Hey Tarzan!  You comin' or not? Tarzan:  ["Tarzan Yell", beats chest] [applause and fade] Thanks to Ben Douwsma for this transcript! SNL Transcripts