
Saturday Night Live Transcripts

|

Season 11: Episode 12

|

|
|

Air Date:

Host:

Musical Guest:

Special Guests:

|
March 15th, 1986

Griffin Dunne

Rosanne Cash

Penn & Teller
|
|
A Message From Tommy Flanagan
|
Summary: Pathological Liar Tommy Flanagan (Jon Lovitz) comments on SNL's recent rash of bad ratings, insisting that it's in the same league as "The Cosby Show."

Recurring Characters: Tommy Flanagan.

Transcript
|
|
Griffin Dunne's Monologue
|
Summary: A nervous Gruffin Dunne experiences hair loss and sweaty underarms before amazing the audience with his ability to play the drum solo from "Wipeout" with one hand.

Bio: The son of writer Dominick Dunne, Griffin Dunne (1955-) starred in a pair of cult films during the 1980's - "An American Werewolf in London" and "After Hours", released a few months prior to his SNL hosting.

Transcript
|
|
Double R & Son
|
Summary: Rudy Randolph, Jr. (Randy Quaid) has thousands of goods to offer at his Ferdinand Marcos Malacanang Palace Liquidation Sale. From tiny shoes to brassieres, you won't find a better deal in town.

Recurring Characters: Rudy Randolph, Jr., Rudy Randolph III.
|
|
Mr. Monopoly
|
Summary: Lawyer Mr. Monopoly (Jon Lovitz) uses a get-out-of-jail-free card to prevent his client, Mr. Carasco (Griffin Dunne), from receiving a prison sentence. Many more Monopoly cliches follow.

Note: Damon Wayans decided between dress and air that his cop character should be played with more flamboyance. The deviation from the script causes Wayans to be fired.
|
|
You Bet Your Finger
|
|
Summary: Game show contestant Kevin McMurray (Griffin Dunne) is excited about playing the dangerous trivia game, even when the malfunctioning mini-guillotine drops the blade before questions can be asked.
|
|
Bad Seed
|
Summary: First-Lady Nancy Reagan (Terry Sweeney) informs viewers that daughter Patti Davis' tell-all book is not based on fact, then unveils her own non-factual tell-all book about Patti.

Recurring Characters: Nancy Reagan.

Transcript
|
|
Buon Giorno, Ireland, Buon Giorno
|
|
Summary: Gianni Tucci (Don Novello) sngs traditional Irish tunes in his own native Italian language.
|
|
Rosanne Cash performs "Hold On"
|
|
Bio: The daughter of country legend Johnny Cash, Rosanne Cash (1955-) released her first album in 1978. She had her first of 11 No. 1 country hits in 1981, with "Seven Year Ache."
|
|
Two Jones Cable Installers
|
Summary: Ned (Damon Wayans) and Fed Jones (Anthony Michael Hall) have the hook-up to get you free cable television from your neighbor.

Recurring Characters: Ned Jones, Fed Jones.
|
|
Weekend Update with Dennis Miller
|
|
Summary: The Ivy League sex scandal has the Weekend Update Dancers "Addicted to Love." According to A. Whitney Brown's "Big Picture", giving $100,000,000 in aid to the Contras might not be in America's best interests, which is enough to covince Dennis Miller to slice Central America off his map with a chain saw. Dennis Miller announces the Pinochet Countdown Contest, inviting viewers to guess the Chilean leader's last day in office.
|
|
You Can Pick Your Nose, You Can Pick Your Friends, But You Can't Pick Your Friends' Noses
|
|
Summary: Jonathon Lee (Jon Lovitz) tries to have a civil panel discussion, even though guest Burton Stewart (Griffin Dunne) keeps trying to pick guest Eli Horvath's (Randy Quaid) nose.
|
|
Penn & Teller
|
|
Summary: Penn & Teller demonstrate a card trick that viewers can successfully play on their friends if they get a tape into the VCR before the segment is over.
|
|
Business Beat
|
|
Summary: Workplace cliches demonstrated by panel guests include a dangling carrot and an automatic kicking machine.
|
|
Rosanne Cash performs "I Don't Know Why You Don't Want Me"
|
Note: Written in frustration after not winning any Grammy awards, this song actually did win Cash a Grammy in 1985.

Lyrics
|
|
The Zombie
|
|
Summary: Teenager who now walks among the dead (Gruffin Dunne) maintains a close relationship with his ex-girlfriend's mother (Joan Curtin), hoping he can win her back in spite of his death.
|
SNL Transcripts
|
|
|
|
|
|