Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 11: Episode 12

85l: Griffin Dunne / Rosanne Cash

The Liar

Tommy Flanagan.....Jon Lovitz

[FADE IN on a glass window which sports the transparent “N” and superimposed nine-feather peacock of the NBC logo from the mid-1980’s. A second later, Tommy Flanagan steps into the shot, in a gray suit and a skinny dark tie, with his hair slicked back.]

Tommy: Hello, I’m Tommy Flanagan, and I’m a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous!

[cheers and applause]

Tommy: I’m also the official spokesman for NBC! Yeah, that’s it. Ehhhh, who am I kiddin’? I’m the OWNER of NBC. [laughter] And I’ve been asked to clear some of those ug--eh, beautiful rumors about Saturday Night Live. Now, as you know, the ratings have been... eh, eh, ASTRONOMICAL... through the roof! Why, better than the World Ser--the sim--”The Cosby Show”! Yeah! Yeah! That’s it! We’re neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show,” and last week we PULLED AHEAD, yeah, that’s the ticket! They had a 54 share, yeah, and we had a nine... -ty-NINE share! And that was a RERUN! In fact, we weren’t even ON that night! Yeah, that’s the ticket.

[He stares suavely at the lens while the audience laughs.]

Tommy: And the reviews, why they’ve all been... ehh, ehh... and we’re neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show”! We were a little worried at first because we had a new cast. [laughter] But everyone loves it! Why, just last--eh, eh... yesterday... we got nominated... for an Aca--an O--a... YEAH.


Tommy: And then there’s the reviews! Why, they’ve all been... ehh... and we have a new CAST! Yeah! Yeah! Neck-and-neck with “The Cosby Show”! Yeah, that’s it. And the show’s making more stars than ever before! Why, even our first host was a total unknown... Madonna. And now look at her! Why, she’s the toast of the town. But finally, let’s talk about those reviews. To be perfectly honest, they’ve all been, uh... [pauses] LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

Submitted by: Sean

SNL Transcripts