Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 13: Episode 4






87d: Robert Mitchum / Simply Red

Compulsion

Narrator.....Phil Hartman
Man.....Dana Carvey
Woman.....Jan Hooks
Model.....Nora Dunn

[ open in a dark, French setting ]

Narrator: She was like the air. Brittle and easily broken.

[ shows title: COMPULSION, as dramatic music starts ]

How could one so perfect, be so flawed?

Man: Dearest..

Woman: Not now. I'm busy. [ is seen scrubbing the stairs ]

Narrator: She was an incondescant angel, dancing on the edge of a ritual that was both innocent and jejune.

Man: Yes. She was.

Narrator: [ annoyed at man ] Her translucent figure, glowing in the light and fire of her overwhelming passion.

[ Woman picks up a chess piece and wipes under it, then looks at the sponge and sees the dirt it picked up ]

Woman: Save me.... [ Man pulls her toward him ]

Man: Why?

Narrator: I wonder what was the greater transgression. Loving her, or abiding her immaculate madness.

[ a wine glass is knocked over, as Woman tries to clean up the mess ]

Model: A little club soda will get that out.

Woman: Liar!

Narrator: She was consumed. Obsessed. Never able to enjoy her own party.

Man: I alone felt her torment. Her deepest secrets known only to me.

[ Narrator slaps Man in the face ]

Woman: If keeping a clean house is a crime, then let me be guilty!

Model: Guilty! [ another model gasps ]

Narrator: A horrifying creature. What was it we could not give her, or she understand? [ everyone is dancing, while woman tries to vacuum after them ]

[ setting is now black and white and shows Woman behind bottle of Compulsion ] Woman: Somewhere between cleanliness and godliness lies Compulsion, the world's most indulgent disinfectant. From Calvin Kleen.

Announcer: Ah, the price of it.


Submitted by: Tony DuMont


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