Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 1

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

October 8th, 1988

Tom Hanks

Keith Richards


Jeff Renaudo

Conan O'Brien

Bob Odenkirk

Jim Downey

Pumping Up With Hans & Franz
Recurring Characters: Hans, Franz.



Tom Hanks' Monologue
Summary: Nice guy Tom Hanks ventures backstage to make sure everyone is ready to do a great show.

First Hosted: 85e.


First Citiwide Change Bank I
Summary: Bank representative Paul McElroy (Jim Downey) explains the process by which First Citiwide is able to distribute nothing but loose change.


Bush-Dukakis Debate
Summary: Sam Donaldson (Kevin Nealon) hogs attention from Diane Sawyer (Jan Hooks) during the presidential debate between Vice-President George Bush (Dana Carvey) and Governor Michael Dukakis (Jon Lovitz). Afterwards, Peter Jennings (Tom Hanks) and David Brinkley (Phil Hartman) give their impressions on the debate and solicit a response from Dan Quayle (Jeff Renaudo).

Recurring Characters: Diane Sawyer, Sam Donaldson, George Bush, Michael Dukakis, Peter Jennings, David Brinkley, Dan Quayle, Marilyn Quayle.


Keith Richards performs "Take It So Hard"
Bio: Keith Richards (1943-). Musician; longtime guitarist for the Rolling Stones.

Mr. Short-Term Memory
Summary: Mr. Short-Term Memory (Tom Hanks) goes on a blind date and thinks himself the victim of receiving some already-been-chewed food.

Recurring Characters: Mr. Short-Term Memory


First Citiwide Change Bank II
Summary: More testimonials from customers who were glad to be able to acquire exact change when they needed it most.


Weekend Update with Dennis Miller
Summary: Kevin Nealon reports from the All Drug Olympics, where weightlifter Sergei Akmudov attempts to lift over 1,500 pounds.


Girl-Watchers A Go-Go
Summary: The two girl watchers (Tom Hanks, Jon Lovitz) try to meet women at their ten-year high school reunion.

Recurring Characters: Girl Watchers.


Jew, Not A Jew

"Big" Outtakes

Keith Richards performs "Struggle"

The Pat Stevens Show
Recurring Characters: Pat Stevens, Barbara Bush, Kitty Dukakis.


Dress Rehearsal Cuts

Nude Beach
Summary: Bob (Dana Carvey) introduces shy Doug (Tom Hanks) to the rest of the group of nudists who hang out on the beach. Together, they sing "The Penis Song".

Note: This sketch will air in next week's episode hosted by Matthew Broderick.

SNL Transcripts