Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 1





88a: Tom Hanks / Keith Richards

First Citiwide Change Bank II

Paul McElroy.....Jim Downey
Customer #3.....Nora Dunn
Customer #4.....Phil Hartman

Paul McElroy: A lot of people don't realize that change is a two-way street. You can come in with sixteen quarters, eight dimes, and four nickels - we can give you a five-dollar bill. Or we can give you five singles. Or two singles, eight quarters, and ten dimes. You'd be amazed at the variety of the options you have.

Customer #3: I was driving through Pennsylvania on the tollway, and to save time I was using the exact-change lanes. I had just run out of quarters, and I was getting a bit nervous when I spotted a sign for a Citiwide branch at the next exit. Let me tell you, it was a pretty good feeling.

Paul McElroy: I have had people come in with wrinkled ten-dollar bills to exchange for new crisp bills to put in birthday cards. We can handle special requests like that, usually in the same day.

Customer #4: I'd just returned from a business trip to London, and all the cash I had was a five-pound note. Citiwide wasn't able to convert it to dollars, but they did give me four guineas, two crowns, four shillings, and ten pence.

Paul McElroy: All the time, our customers ask us, "How do you make money doing this?" The answer is simple: Volume. That's what we do.


SNL Transcripts