Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 14: Episode 3

88c: John Larroquette / Randy Newman

Come Back To Carbon Paper

Boss.....Phil Hartman
Female Employee....Victoria Jackson

[ show Female Employee talking to a client on the phone, as her boss peers down at her ]

Boss: I need three copies by five o'clock. Don't let me down now.

[ wall clock reveals the time to be 4:45 in the afternoon ]

Female Employee: Five o'clock..?

Second Employee: I hope you weren't planning on using the copier, dear - we're all out of toner!

Female Employee: Well, what about..

Third Employee: ..the one downstairs? The man will be here next Thursday.

Female Employee: Well, then I'll just have to use..

Fourth Employee: ..the laser-printer? Good luck!

Third Employee: Now, what you could do is type it up here, stick it in the fax machine, fax it to Houston, they fax it to Chicago, then they both fax it back here - then, you've got three copies!

Second Employee: But what about resolution?

Fourth Employee: Doesn't matter, she'll never make it!

Female Employee: I need a miracle..

[ suddenly, the skies light up around her, as a piece of carbon paper floats down from the heavens ]

Carbon paper!

[ the clock now reads five o'clock ]

[ Female Employee hands the three carbon copies to the Boss ]

Female Employee: Here they are, sir!

Boss: Well, they don't look so hot.. but you did beat the deadline! Nice work!

[ Female Employee wipes the sweat from her brow, leaving a carbon stain on her forehead ]

Announcer: Come back... to carbon paper. Please? We're dying out here.

SNL Transcripts