Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 14: Episode 16









88q: Dolly Parton

The Rusty Bone

Bob.....Dana Carvey
Larry.....Jon Lovitz
Angry Wife.....Nora Dunn
Sheba.....Victoria Jackson
Sparky.....Phil Hartman
Sexy Poodle.....Jan Hooks
Kevin.....Kein Nealon

Bob: Hey, Larry, there you are!

Larry: Hey, Bob! You made it! [ tail raises and wags ]

Bob: Oh, yeah! Good to see ya, boy! Good to see ya! [ pats Larry ] I almost didn't make it.

Larry: Why.. what happened?

Bob: Well, I was chasing after a taxi, and then I almost got run over.

Larry: Ohhh.. [ tail droops, then jumps up again ] But you did make it!

Bob: [ tail wagging rapidly ] I made it, I made it, yeah!

[ cut to a pair of catwomen: Angry Wife seated at table as Sheba enters ]

Angry Wife: Sheba? I have something to say to you?

Sheba: Do I know you? What do you want?

Angry Wife: You know my husband - you've been sleeping with him!

[ their tails raise pointedly in anger, as they scowl at one another ]

[ Sparky enters bar, tail drooping ]

Larry: Hey, Sparky!

Bob: Sparky! What's the matter?

Sparky: Oh, my boss chewed me out again.. he said my report was bad.. he kept saying it was bad..! ..bad! [ tail droops betwene his legs ]

Bob: Really? We thought it was good! You're good..! ..good!

Sparky: [ happy, tail raises ] Oh, you really think so? Oh, thanks! I feel a lot better!

[ sexy Poodle enters the bar, as the three Dogmen point, raise their legs, and their tails spring straight into the air ]

[ Kevin, seated at table, stands up, his tail pointed straight over a candle. A spark from the candle sends his tail into flames as he howls. ]

[ fade out ]


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