Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 1

89a: Bruce Willis / Neil Young

Bruce Willis' Monologue

.....Bruce Willis

Bruce Willis: Thank you very much! Thank you! Thank you. It's good to be back, hosting "Saturday Night Live." Now, a lot of people don't know this, but, uh.. back in 1979, I worked here at "Saturday Night Live" for a brief period. Not as a performer, but.. as a caterer. I delivered, uh.. (crue-de-t'at ??).. almonds.. to the cast members; it was very good. I took pride in my work. However, I was let go. They said I had an attitude problem. So, I left. Time has passed, things have happened. Now, "Saturday Night Live" has asked me to come back. I told them I'm no longer in the catering business. They said it didn't matter, they wanted me to come back anyway. I nearly said "Yes!" right then. But, of course, my feelings were still hurt, and I told them I would only come back to the show if I could sing with the band. And they said, "Fine, we'd like to think about it." Well, that was two years ago. They've had time to think about it, I've had time to think about it, so, if you don't mind, right now I still would like to play with the band. G.E., are you ready?

[ the house band breaks into song, as Bruce whips out his harmonica and joins them for a number ]

[ singing ]

"You told me how hard you think you're working
You say your 9 to 5 done got you down!
Just grab your stuff and come on down to my place, yeah!
We're gonna show you how to fool around!

It's all right! It's okay! Need a pep talk.

I can't tell you hoew to run your life, boy
But all I know is time is passing by!
Let's get going, this ain't no rehearsal, yeah
Don't be scared to crack a little smile.

You're all right! You're okay! Need a pep talk.

I.... want to tell you something, oh yeah
Any day you waste, you won't get back
I.... had to learn the hard way, oh yeah
But a little pep talk put me back on track!"

[ wailing harmonica interlude ]

"You've got a good thing, you don't even know it!
All work, no play, makes Jack a little lbue!
But if it don't kill you, it just makes you stronger, yeah!
Let's take some time, we'll concentrate on you.

You're all right! You're okay! Need a pep talk.


[ playing harmonica ]

Here we go!

[ music pauses ] Huh-ow!

We'll be right back, we got a great show! Neil Young is here, we'll be right back! Thank you!

SNL Transcripts