Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 15: Episode 7




89g: John Goodman / k.d. lang

John Goodman's Monologue

.....John Goodman
Roseanne Barr.....Victoria Jackson
.....Lorne Michaels
.....Nora Dunn
.....Phil Hartman
.....Jan Hooks
Audience Member.....Conan OíBrien

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen -- John Goodman!

John Goodman: Thank you very much, woah Saturday Night Live. I have had an incredible year I made two movies "Sea of Love" [audience cheers] plus "Always" with Richard Dreyfus. Also, five weeks ago, I got married. [audience cheers and applauds]

John Goodman: I took the plunge. My wife is here tonight. Thatís my brother next to her, and his girl Jean. Hi, honey. [audience cheers and applauds] We haven't even had a honeymoon yet. I came right here from the wedding, I have been working on the show all week. Canít wait till one oíclock, heard great things about sex. Course the high point of the year has to be working on "Roseanne". [audience cheers and applauds] Oh, what can I say about Roseanne Arnold, sheís a hell of a lady, sheís funny, generous, and as a matter of fact, she came here tonight to wish me luck. Sheís backstage right now. Roseanne, if you can hear me: I love you, honey.

[cut to Lorne Michaels and Roseanne Barr]

Lorne Michaels: Roseanne, I canít tell what a thrill it is to have a big star like you this close to our studio.

Roseanne Barr: Thanks, itís really great to be here and all that crap and everything. (chuckles) So Lorne, arenít you supposed to be out there helping John or something?

Lorne Michaels: Oh yeah, he will be fine [turns off TV] would you like some more coffee cake or something?

Roseanne Barr: Sure.

Lorne Michaels: Right over here.

Roseanne Barr: Oh this is really good, I likeÖ

[cut back to John at home base]

John Goodman: And if Lorne Michaels ever calls and asks you to host this show -- and Iím sure he will eventually get to all of you -- say yes, because itís great. Everybodyís made me feel special and important and we've been like one big family. You know, you're always saying the show is like a family, and it really is. Yeah and Iím like...

[cut back to Roseanne signing autographs]

Nora Dunn: Take one of me and Jan together please.

Roseanne Barr: I think you are so great, I watch the show all the time and itís really good. I love your Donahue itís really great.

Jon Lovitz: Hi, Iím Jon Lovitz, big fan. Do you have any movies coming out?

Roseanne Barr: Oh, I donít knowÖ

Audience Member: Miss Barr Miss Barr, I was in the audience and I heard that you were backstage. Iíd love to get your autograph.

Roseanne Barr: Oh, Iím kind of busy. Like, why donít you just write Roseanne and Iíd put my initials on it. [laughs]

[cut back to John at home base]

John Goodman: Comfortable, honey? Thanks for coming, we got a great show, sweetheart. k.d. lang & The Reclines are here. [audience applauds] We got her album, remember? [pause] You remember that, donít you? Donít go away, please. We will be right back.


Submitted by: Joey Salazar


SNL Transcripts




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