Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 15: Episode 17

89q: Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens

Corbin Bernsen's Monologue

.....Corbin Bernsen

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen - Corbin Bernsen!

Corbin Bernsen: Alright! Thank you! Yeah! Thank you very much! Thank you! [ chuckles heartily ] Thank you!

Well, I'm really glad to be in New York, hosting "Saturday Night Live," huh? Now, before we start the show, there's -- I'd like to take this opportunity to clear something up. Now, because of the character I play on "L.A. Law" -- Arnie Becker -- you probably have a preconceived image of me as a cocky, arrogrant womanizer. [ the audience cheers ] That's just.. a character. Now, I suppose there might be uh, a little bit of, uh, Arnie Becker in me, and. the truth is, when I first became famous, I did have a tendancy to be.. a little arrogant. I -- [pauses ] I bought a Porsche.. I dated Vanna White.. [ audience chuckles ] I killed a man. [ audience laughs ] But then I realized what that was -- that was just a - just a part of me crying out for acceptance. It was the fifteen-year old, remembering a time when - when girls didn't want to go out with me, and when I wasn't that popular. [ sincere pause ] That was a hard time for me. [ audience awwws ] Ah, who am I kidding! There was NEVER a time when girls wouldn't go out with me! Women - hey, they've ALWAYS wanted me! and men have ALWAYS been afraid of me! I was just trying to relate to you people, somehow. [ with quiet sincerity ] You see, I'm, uh - I'm - I'm a little nervous tonight, and I just - I just wanted to get you on my side. [ a beat ] What am I talking about? I'm not nervous! They just told me to say that! I feel GREAT! I look GREAT! [ audience laughs ]

We've got a great show! The Smithereens are here! We'll be right back!

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