Classic Bitch & Lezbo Electric Shavers

Victor Kiam.....Phil Hartman



[ open on interior, New England Patriots locker room ]

[ SUPER: "Victor Kiam" ]

Victor Kiam: Hello, I'm Victor Kiam! Owner of the New England Patriots and Remington Shaver! I'm the guy who bought the company! And I'm proud to announce a new member of the Lady Remington razor family - introducing the new Classic Bitch Shaver!

[ SUPER: "Remington Classic Bitch Electric Shaver" ]

When I called that woman reporter a "classic bitch", I meant it in a good way! I meant a real go-getter! Unafraid to tackle the male-dominated workforce! The Classic Bitch doesn't just shave - it actually yanks the hair by the root, intimidating it from growing back! The Classic Bitch doesn't charm you with gimmicks - it simply goes about its business in a humorless way! You may not like the Classic Bitch, but you'll respect it! Yiu'll want it on your side, believe me!

But, for those who don't think the Classic Bitch goes far enough, try Remington's new Lezbo Electric Shaver!

[ SUPER: "Remington Lezbo Electric Shaver" ]

When I say Lezbo, I mean it in a good way! Like a real go-getter - not only afraid to tackle a man's job, but also not afraid to look a little like a man! You know the type. The Lezbo tackles those really tough facial and chest hairs, and also comes with a pop-up underarm trimmer! You're not just smooth - you're Lezbo smooth! I mean it in a good way!

I'm Victor Kiam, and, by the way, "Live, from New York, it's Saturday Night!"


SNL Transcripts