Great Love Stories

Man #1.....Kevin Nealon
Woman #1.....Jan Hooks
Man #2.....Chris Farley
Woman #2.....Susan Lucci
Woman #3.....Victoria Jackson
Man #3.....Chris Rock
Man #4.....Phil Hartman
Man #5.....Mike Myers



[ Music Over: "Theme From Gone With The Wind" ]

Announcer: "Great Love Stories".

Man #1: Dis guy hired me to t'row battery acid in dis chick's face, right?

Woman #1: I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, I got a faceful of battery acid.

Man #1: When I realized I went to the wrong apartment, I felt terrible. So I started visitn' her at the hospital. I'd say it was about - what? - t'ree months?

Woman #1: Yeah. When we got married.

[ Music Over: "Theme From Gone With The Wind" ]

Announcer: "Great Love Stories".

Man #2: My dad, my brother and me were huntin' gators in the bayou.. and saw her and her boyfriend campin'.

Woman #2: They murdered my boyfriend in his sleeping bag.. and they abducted me.

Man #2: We had her out there in the shack all winter, before I started to realize that what we was doin' was wrong. So I killed my daddy and my brother, and we were married 'bout - what?

Woman #2: 'bout three months later.

Man #2: [ laughs proudly ]

[ Music Over: "Theme From Gone With The Wind" ]

Announcer: "Great Love Stories".

Woman #3: I was covering the New England Patriots for the Boston Herald Tribune.

Man #3: So, she's in the locker room. I drop my towel and say, "Step up to the mike!"

Woman #3: And, uh.. it was about three months later..

Man #3: ..we were married!

[ Music Over: "Theme From Gone With The Wind" ]

Announcer: "Great Love Stories" is brought to you by.. FTD; you'll be suprised what a couple of roses can do - honest to God. and.. Hallmark Cards; it sounds stupid, but we swear it works. And.. Godiva Chocolates; you'd think by now they'd catch on, but, apparently, they haven't - trust us.

Here is a scene from next week's "Great Love Stories":

Man #4: I was trappin' with my dad and my brother up in the Grand Tete ?? And we saw this girl campin' with her boyfriend.

Man #5: They murdered my girlfriend in her sleeping bag, and abducted me!

Man #4: And we were married three months later.

[ Music Over: "Theme From Gone With The Wind" ]

Announcer: Next week on.. "Great Love Stories".

[ fade ]


SNL Transcripts