Elevator Fans

Elevator Fan #1.....Kevin Nealon
Elevator Fan #2.....Dana Carvey



[ open on exterior, tall office building ]

[ dissolve to interior, Sting waiting by an elevator. Elevator doors open, and he steps inside. Elevator #1 walks in behind him. They both lean against the back wall of the elevator for the ride. ]

Elevator Fan #1: [ casually looks at the passenger next to him, performing a double-take when he realizes who it is ] Hey. You're Sting?

Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: Gosh, man.. I just think you're really great..

Sting: Well, thanks a lot!

Elevator Fan #1: I'm a big fan of yours.

Sting: Thank you.

Elevator Fan #1: I have all your albums.

Sting: Really?

Elevator Fan #1: You know, with The Police.. and, then I also have all your..

Sting: Solo?

Elevator Fan #1: Yes! Solo stuff! Yeah.. a lot of great songs.. you're great, man.

Sting: Thank you.

Elevator Fan #1: Boy, I mean, you know.. "Roxanne"! That's a classic right there!

Sting: Oh.. thanks a lot.

Elevator Fan #1: [ starts singing ] "Roxanne."
Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: "You don't have to put on the red light.. Roxanne! You don't have to sell your body to the night.."

Sting: Uh-huh.. that's the song..

Elevator Fan #1: "You don't have to put on your red light.. Roxanne!" Put on your right light!" You know?

Sting: Yeah.

Elevator Fan #1: "Roxanne - put on your red light! Roxanne - put on your red light!" Well, anyway, I just think you're great!

Sting: Oh. Thank you. [ pause, eyes rolling ] It's a tall building, huh?

Elevator Fan #1: One of the tallest! [ resumes singing ] "Roxanne!"

[ elevator doors open, as Elevator Fan #2 enters, leans against wall between Sting and Elevator Fan #1, thinking he recognizes Sting ]

Elevator Fan #1: [ whispering ] It's Sting.

Elevator Fan #2: [ smiling ] Oh. What can I say?

Sting: That's all right.

Elevator Fan #2: I mean, boy.. like.. "If You Love Somebody"?

Sting: Right. Right.

Elevator Fan #2: That.. that's great, that's.. God, that's just.. [ chuckles ] "If you love somebody.. If you love someone" [ laughs ] You know?

Sting: Yeah. That was a good one..

Elevator Fan #2: "Set them free.."

Fans Together: "Free, free, set them free! Free, free, set them free!"

Elevator Fan #2: "De do do do, de da da da!"

Elevator Fan #1: "Is all I want to say to you!"

Elevator Fan #2: "De do do do, de da da da!"

Fans Together: "Is all I want to say to you! De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you!"

[ Sting presses the Open Door button, and quickly exits the elevator ]

Elevator Fan #1: Hey! Hey! Uh.. I just thought you were gonna get off at 110?

Sting: Yeah.. I just remembered, I've got some business on 85.

Elevator Fan #2: Okay. Okay, great. Goodbye!

Elevator Fan #1: Goodbye!

Fans Together: "De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you! De do do do, de da da da! Is all I want to say to you.."

[ Sting rushes off, as the elevator doors close ]

[ cut to Sting running up the stairwell, shaking his head at this predictament ]

[ dissolve to long shot of building exterior, over sound of the Elevator Fans still singing ]

Voice of Elevator Fans: "We are spirits in the material world! Are spirits in the material world! Are spirits in the material world.."

[ fade out ]


SNL Transcripts