Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 16: Episode 15




90o: Michael J. Fox / Black Crowes

Central High Class Reunion

Ronnie Stilson.....Michael J. Fox
Mike.....Mike Myers
Nick DeCaesar.....Kevin Nealon
Cindy Plank.....Victoria Jackson
Brian Grady.....Dana Carvey
Band Member.....Adam Sandler

[Song plays ĎCelebrate Good Timesí, sign reads ĎWe Welcome Central High Class of 1981 to the Blue Room- 8 PM]

Ronnie: I canít believe how much everybodyís changed.

Mike: Oh man, a 10 year reunion already, wow that went fast, you know. Hey I better go find my wife, ok? Look, stop by ok?

Ronnie: I will.

Mike: Great, see ya later.

Nick: Yo Ronnie Stilson, how ya been?

Ronnie: HeyÖ. Nicky, Nicky!

Nick: Yeah, how ya doin? You lookin good, you alright?

Ronnie: How you doin, you alright?

Nick: Iím doin good, yeah yeah, you doin alright?

Ronnie: Iím alright.

Nick: Come here you goobma, you ok?

Ronnie: Yeah Iím great.

Nick: Yeah of course youíre great.

Ronnie: Itís weird you know, Iím seein everybody how much theyíve changed.

Nick: Yeah yea I know. Forget about them, how are YOU doin?

Ronnie: Me, Iím good, thank you. Nick: Listen to this guy, ĎIím goodí, of course youíre good, and you were good to me too, remember in high school, I had a little thing for that chick, Anita Simon, and she wouldnít give me the time of day, and you told me, Ďforget about herí. You said there were plenty of fish out there, remember?

Ronnie: Yeah yeah.

Nick: How you doin, you lookin good, lookin good, you workin?

Ronnie: Yeah Iím workin over at Sakorski Aircraft.

Nick: Oh yeah sure, sure. You like it over there?

Ronnie: Work is work, you know. Actually I got a little run in with my foreman today.

Nick: Woah woah woah! You got a little run in with your foreman?

Ronnie: Yeah it was no big deal.

Nick: And what is this foremanís name?

Ronnie: What, my foreman?

Nick: Yeah what is his name?

Ronnie: Dan, Dan Damurski.

Nick: Ok thatís all I need to know, Iíll take care of it.

Ronnie: Wait a minute, what do you mean youíll take care of it?

Nick: I will take care of it, thatís all you need to know, end of discussion, alright? Ronnie, lookin good! I see by your ring that youíre married, are you happy?

Ronnie: Uh actually to be honest with ya, Iím going through a divorce right now.

Nick: Holy jeez, not you.

Ronnie: Yeah itís gettin pretty messy too, our lawyer is taking me to the cleaners.

Nick: Uh huh, I see, and what is the name of this lawyer? I may know him.

Ronnie: Well I believe his name is Sam Frick.

Nick: Who?

Ronnie: Frick, Sam Frick.

Nick: Sam Frick, ok thatís all I need to know, Iíll take care of it.

Ronnie: Wait no no no, Nick.

Nick: No Iíll take care of it, consider it done. Look I donít know you, you donít know me, we never spoke, alright? End of story! Alright! Lookin goodÖ Cindy! Cindy Plwank!

Cindy: HiÖ Nick the Scissor!

Nick: How ya doin? You lookin good, lookin good.

Cindy: Thank you.

Nick: I hear youíre a mother now, huh? That must be something right?

Cindy: Oh, donít let anyone tell you itís easy.

Nick: Why, whatís the problem? Talk to me.

Cindy: Well my oldest child Eric had to stay after school today, and he felt really hurt about it.

Nick: Woah woah woah, let me understand this. One of the teachers kept your child after school?

Cindy: Yeah.

Nick: Uh huh, and what might be the name of this individual who did this to your child?

[Ronnie motioning with his hand to Cindy behind Nickyís back, trying to get her to stop talking to Nicky]

Cindy: The name?

Nick: Yeah.

Cindy: Ms. Flanders.

Nick: Ms. Flanders, thatís all I need to know, Iíll take care of it, alright? Iíll take care of it, listen to me, consider it done alright? I donít know you, you donít know me, we never spoke, I never saw you in my life.

Brian: Hey Ronnie! Long time no see, how ya doin?

Ronnie: Good, good.

Nick: Brian Grady! Yo, give me a hug, come here you! [Nicky gives hug, while Brian is confused, reluctant to hug] How you been? You look good!

Brian: NickÖ Ok so Ronnie itís good to see ya, you still a big Mets fan?

Ronnie: No not really, not since Daryl Strawberry went to the Dodgers.

Brian: Yeah yeah.

Nick: Woah, who let you down?

Ronnie: Nobody.

Brian: Daryl Strawberry let us both down.

Nick: Alright thatís all I need to know.

Brian: Whatís that?

Nick: This guy, Daryl Strawberry, he let you both down, thatís all I need to know, Iíll take care of it, alright? Say no more.

Brian: Relax, relax.

Nick: I am relaxed, believe me I am very relaxed.

Brian: So listen Ronnie, Patti tells me you almost won the Twilight League Bowling Tournament, but your partner blew it or something?

Ronnie: No! [motioning with hand, signaling to Brian to drop the subject]

Nick: Whatís that? Somebody blew something for somebody, whoís this?

Brian: Oh, well Ronnieís bowling partner blew the tournament for him.

Nick: Oh, uh huh.

Brian: Oh my God, Mr. Jeffers, gotta go. See ya later.

Nick: Ronnie, Ronnie come here, now tell me Ronnie who is this bowling partner of your that couldnít carry his share of the weight?

Ronnie: It was nobody really, doesnít even bother me.

Nick: No Iím just curious, who was it? I just wanna make sure you never bowl with him.

Ronnie: I donít even remember his name.

Nick: Come on, tell me about this character, whatíd he look like?

Ronnie: Well nobody, I donít know, ok. He looked like a heavier, older version of Treat Williams.

Nick: Treat Williams, ok thatís all I need to know, I will take care of him, alright? Everything else good?

Ronnie: Great, great no complaints.

Nick: Youíd tell me if everything wasnít great, correct? [adjusts Ronnieís collar]

Ronnie: Absolutely.

Nick: Alright, you take care of yourself. [Slaps Ronnieís cheeks, walks into ballroom]

Singer: [singing lyrics to slow dance song, playing guitar] You make a fine line, right there, Luciiiiillllle! Ö Alright, thank you.

Nick: Pal, you got a second?

Singer: Sure.

Nick: Listen, I really appreciate you entertaining all my friends like this.

Singer: Oh no problem.

Nick: No Iím serious, I appreciate it. Now what is this about this chick that left you high and dry?

Singer: What do you mean?

Nick: You know, the chick that left you with the crops in the field, and the children.

Singer: Oh the song ĎLucilleí?

Nick: Yeah Lucille, whoíd she leave you for?

Singer: Itís just a song.

Nick: No no no I heard it, she left you, you had some bad times and some sad times?

Singer: Oh my friend, thatís just a song by Kenny Rogers, ĎLucilleí itís called.

Nick: Uh huh, and this Kenny Rogers is the putz who ran off with your old lady leaving you with the crops in the field?


Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg


SNL Transcripts