Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 16: Episode 20

90t: George Wendt / Elvis Costello

The Shindells

Danny.....Dana Carvey
Dave.....George Wendt
Singer 1.....Chris Rock
Singer 2.....Tim Meadows
Singer 3.....Chris Farley

[Sign reads “Tonite Only: The Shindell’s”, as music plays to shoo-wop, men start singing]

Danny: You were the only one, who could make me cry

Singer 1: You were the first one to tell me goodbye

Dave: Now I sit here like a fool

Singer 2: Pretending that it’s cool

All: You left me for a low standard man

Danny: Baby oh baby, you broke my heart in two

Singer 3: Now I just site here and dream of you

Dave: Every tear drop I cry

Singer 2: Reminds me that you lied

All: When you left me for a low standard man

Danny: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [pauses to think out loud, not in tune] Baby you hurt me real bad when you told me you won’t be coming home no more.

All except Dave: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [still not in tune] I remember all the nights I cried alone, but did you hear the tear drop song?

All: Tear drop song

All except Dave: Shoo-wop

Dave: [not in tune] No mama you were too busy hangin out with that guy at Jody’s barbeque, you know who I’m talking about, uh Ted something…

All: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [not in tune] It started with an ‘A’, and I wanna say Amberson but I know that’s not it, uh Atkins?

All except Dave: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [not in tune] No, Atkinson… alright baby I’m drawing a blank, but he has this big overbite-

All except Dave: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [not in tune] Remember? Anyway you said you were just gonna go look at his car for 5 minutes. Two hours later you came back with your hair all messed up-

All except Dave: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: [Not in tune] Your dress all backwards, I mean you played me like a fool.

Danny: [not in tune] Listen Dave, no offense but aren’t you really as much to blame-

Singers 1, 2, 3: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Danny: [quickly says ‘Shoo-wop shoo-wop’, realizing he missed it] I mean uh, forget it, forget it, forget it, sorry.

Dave: No no tell me, what were you gonna say?

Singers 1, 2, 3: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Danny: [quickly says ‘Shoo-wop shoo-wop’] Well this is really getting to be a pattern with you man. I mean you go out with these girls who treat you like dirt, you remember Francine?

Singers 1, 2, 3: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Singer 1: Oh Francine, now she was a total psycho- Shoo-wop

All: Total psychooooo-

Dave: Ok I admit it, I have dated some losers but what bugs me about Sherry and this Ted guy-

All except Dave: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Dave: Arkin! No that’s not it. What bugs me is Danny here who all the time, sneakin around on me, never says nothing.

Danny: Well I, I-

Dave: You made me look like a horses ass, you are some friend man!

Singer 3: Hey come on guys.

All except Singer 3: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Danny: Come on stay out of this you fat slob!

All except Singer 3: Fat slooooob

Singer 3: There’s no reason to bring my weight into this, you know I have a problem.

Danny: Your problem is you eat like a fat pig.

All except Singer 3: You fat slob

Singer 2: Come on guys, come on now, we’re talking about Dave’s problem with Sherry right?

Singer 3: Yeah and the guy with the overbite- shoo-wop

All: Ted Ackersooooon

Dave: Ackerson that’s it! [hits himself in the head; dialogue begins]

Singer 1: Hey she was with a bunch of guys, man.

Dave: Why didn’t you tell me you fat pig?

Singer 3: Hey you’re just as fat as me man! [dialogue ends]

All except Singer 3: Maybe faaaatter

Danny: Hey you know the point is everybody knew, man.

Singer 1: Shoo-wop shoo-wop

Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg

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