Coldcock

Spokesman.....Tim Meadows
Man at Party.....Chris Rock
Woman at Party.....Ellen Cleghorne



[ Scene: swanky cocktail party ]

[ Coldcock Spokesman enters the room with two beautiful girls at his side ]

Spokesman: You know, when I entertain, occasionally my friends and I like to discuss just what is the best malt licquor.

Girl #1: I say Bull.

Girl #2:I say Cobra.

Spokesman: And I say it's all just talk. Unless it's the one they call.. Coldcock.

[ cut to Man at Party standing near piano ]

Man at Party: There's only one malt licquor that'll get your head humming.

Spokesman: [ enters ] Coldcock's the one you'll never see coming. [ opens can and hands it to the Man at Party ]

[ Man at Party sips Coldcock, then holds it in front of him. Suddenly, an animated arm jumps off of the can and punches the Man in the chin ]

Man at Party: [ reeling ] Pro-per!

Partygoers: [ whispery ] Coldcock!

Spokesman: I have yet to meet the man that can finish a whole Coldcock can.

Woman at Party: [ steps forward ] I ain't afraid of no can of beer! Give me one! [ sips the malt licquor ] Mmm.. Coldcock.. [ the arm jumps off the can and socks her in the jaw ] Ooh..! You one malt licquor picker!

Spokesman: Like I said - it's all just talk, unless it's the one they call Coldcock. [ takes a sip of his own, then flinches upon expecting the punch. He smiles at his own cunning, as the arm finally jumps off the can and punches him hard across his chin ] Fan-tas-tic.. [ slowly drops to the floor ]

Announcer: Coldcock. You never see it coming.

Spokesman: [ raises head up from the floor ] Damn. That's one strong malt licquor. [ drops his head to the floor again ]


SNL Transcripts