Remembrances of Love, with Wilt Chamberlain

Wilt Chamberlain.....Hammer
Cheryl.....Ellen Cleghorne
Fan.....Victoria Jackson

[ open on modern-day Wilt Chamberlain, sitting in his study next to a table stacked high with files on the women he's dated ]

Wilt Chamberlain: I love women. I've had 20,000 relationships with beautiful, fascinating women in my life, every day since 1959, and all of them were special in their own way. Tonight.. [ pulls out a picture ] ..I remember Cheryl - #13,906, but in my heart, she was #2,078. Cheryl was so full of life, love and laughter. [ sniffs ] Mmm.. I can smell her perfume even now..

[ scene flashes back to Wilt's time spent with Cheryl ]

Wilt Chamberlain V/O: It was 1972. The year the Lakers and I went all the way. A special year all around.

[ show exterior, Marriot Hotel in Milwaukee, Wisconsin ]

Cheryl: [ laughing ] So.. I figured, if the line for the movie is that long, it can't be any good! [ laughs ]

Wilt Chamberlain: [ chuckles ] That's terrific!

Cheryl: Oh.. Wilt? I'm such a big fan of yours.

Wilt Chamberlain: Oh, what's there to say about me? I play basketball. But tell me more about you.

Cheryl: Yeah, well, anyway.. I saw "Cabaret" instead, and that was excellent! It was good.

Wilt Chamberlain: Yeah. Can you imagine that those people were living in tough, old times, trying to make the best of an intolerable situation?

Cheryl: Oh, I know..

Wilt Chamberlain: And how was that Joel Grey?

Cheryl: [ sighs ] The whole cast was excellent!

Wilt Chamberlain V/O: I was totally head over heels for Cheryl. Maybe I was feeling a little vulnerable. I was on the rebound from a previous relationship with a girl who was still in the bathroom. But there was no time for analyzing - I've always followed my heart.

Wilt Chamberlain: Cheryl? I don't know how to say this.. it's like.. when we're together, it's just so right!

Cheryl: Oh, I feel it, too.

Wilt Chamberlain: Like, remember the time when we talked about "Cabaret"?

Cheryl: Uh-huh. Yeah. When you said that it was making the best of an intolerable situation?

Wilt Chamberlain: Yes. You're just so.. so wonderful!

Cheryl: [ moves up to kiss Wilt, and carries him and his big legs into the bed ]

[ pan over to the clock on the dresser, which quickly jumps ahead 15 minutes, then pans back to the bed, where Wilt and Cheryl are now seen smoking afterwards. ]

Wilt Chamberlain: You are one amazing woman..

Cheryl: Oh.. it was wonderful, Wilt!

Wilt Chamberlain: Look.. I got a game tomorrow in Cleveland.. I could fly you in, and we could spend halftime together. Just you.. and me.

Cheryl: I don't think so, Wilt..

Wilt Chamberlain: What do you mean?

Wilt Chamberlain V/O: I tried to argue.. but, deep down inside, Cheryl was right - it just wasn't there any more. We had drifted apart, and we just couldn't keep faking it.

Cheryl: I'll always remember you, Wilt. [ exits room ]

Wilt Chamberlain: How could I forget you? [ tears well up in his eyes, as someone knocks at the door ] Come in..

Fan: Mr. Chamblerlain? My brother is a really big fan of yours.

Wilt Chamberlain: [ eyes her down ] Oh? Well, please.. come on in, sit down.. I want to hear more about you.. [ points to the table ] I've still got some french fries. Feel free!

Fan: Okay.

Wilt Chamberlain: Mmm-hmm..

Announcer: Next week: the heartbreak of #9,687, on "Remembrances of Love, with Wilt Chamberlain".

SNL Transcripts