Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 17: Episode 9




91i: Steve Martin / James Taylor

Suckerpunch

Host.....Steve Martin
Scott Fellstad.....Mike Myers
Christy Reynolds.....Victoria Jackson
Mark Strobel.....Chris Farley
Sabrina Boyd.....Ellen Cleghorne
Bob Van Arks.....Kevin Nealon

Don Pardo: Once again, itís time for Americaís most unpredictable game show, Suckerpunch. And hereís Mr. Suckerpunch himself, Chet Mutelle.

Host: Thank you and welcome to Suckerpunch. Now letís meet our first Suckerpunch contestant, Scott Fellstad. Scott welcome to Suckerpunch.

Scott Fellstad: Iím sorry whatís the name of the show?

Host: Suckerpunch [fake punches Fellstad, ring sound heard, red light goes on, Fellstad falls to floor] Sorry Scott you didnít win but that was a nice try. Now letís meet Christy Reynolds. Christy, how was it that you came to join us here on Suckerpunch?

Christy Reynolds: Well Iím standing in line for the Tonight Show and then a page said they were getting new contestants for a new game show.

Host: Hmm well thanks for joining us Christy. Now letís take a look at the Suckerpunch board. Categories are: American History, Shakespeare, Television, Trivia and Suckerpunches. Christy, which category do you choose? Christy Reynolds: Iíll take American- [Host punches Reynolds, ring and red light go off, Reynolds falls to ground]

Host: Sorry the category was Suckerpunches, Suckerpunches. Ok now our third contestant is Bob Van Arks from Racine, Wisconsin, but before we talk to Bob, letís meet our audience member in the isolation booth, Mark Strobel, come on down Mark. Here we go Mark. [Mark blindfolded] Now the isolation booth is totally soundproof, am I right Mark?

Mark Strobel: Thatís correct.

Host: OK you can take off the blindfold now and hereís the question. PT Barnum once said this type of person was born every minute.

Mark Strobel: Oh I know that, a sucker.

Host: Thatís right. [Host Suckerpunches Mark, Mark falls to ground, ring sounds] Now letís explain the rules for Suckerpunch. Basically whatever I say goes. Contestants were chosen at random from the ticket lines at the Tonight Show. Employees of NBC, their families or anyone who has ever seen Suckerpunch is ineligible. Ok letís meet Bob Van Arks. Whoa, relax there a little bit there Bob. [taps Bobís shoulder] Iíll tell you what, why donít we come back and Iíll talk to our returning champion, Sabrina Boyd.

Sabrina Boyd: Hi Chet.

Host: Sabrina, this is your eighth week back.

Sabrina Boyd: Thatís right. [Host and Boyd chuckle, Boyd Suckerpunches Bob]

Host: Alright Sabrina, youíre still our champion. Now tell us what youíve won.

Sabrina Boyd: [starts picking pockets of contestants who had fallen] Well it looks like Iíve won about $300 [screeches] oooh! And a Diners Club card. [starts jumping]

Host: Oh congratulations! Well thatís it for Suckerpunch. This is Chet Futell saying ĎHey your shoelace is untiedí. [chuckes] Goodnight.


Submitted by: Ethan Greenberg


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