Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 17: Episode 17






91q: Sharon Stone / Pearl Jam

Tayster's Choice I

Woman.....Sharon Stone
Man.....Dana Carvey
Announcer.....Phil Hartman
Partygoer.....Siobhan Fallon

[FADE IN on a feminine hand ringing a doorbell as chamber music plays in the background. ZOOM OUT as a man answers the door and grins to see a beautiful blonde in a black dress off the shoulders.]

Woman: [coolly] Hello. I'm sorry to bother you, but... I'm having a dinner party.

Man: And?

Woman: And... I'm out of spermicidal jelly.

[laughter]

Man: Come in.

Woman: Thank you.

[She walks in past him as he leers to the camera in approval. CUT to inside the apartment.]

Man: Would... Tayster's Choice be too good for your guests?

[He deliberately holds up what appears to be a tube of toothpaste labeled "Tayster's Choice."]

Woman: Oh... I think they could get used to it.

Man: It's a very sophisticated spermicidal jelly.

Woman: They have very sophisticated tastes.

Man: Do they?

Woman: [grins] Yes. Well... I must be getting back.

[She exits as he looks at the camera with a slow nod of approval. FADE to a product ID slide of the burgundy-and-white "Tayster's Choice" tube. SUPERIMPOSE "Savor the sophistication of" at top.]

Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster's Choice Spermicidal Jelly.

[FADE to the blonde with another woman at her dinner party.]

Partygoer: [softly] So... have you met your new... neighbor yet?

Woman: [holding teacup] Oh, I've... popped in for spermicidal jelly.

[FREEZE on the blonde's sexy grin, then SUPERIMPOSE, "To Be Continued." FADE to black over applause.]


Submitted by: Sean


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