Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 17

91q: Sharon Stone / Pearl Jam

Tayster's Choice II

Man.....Dana Carvey
Date.....Julia Sweeney
Neighbor.....Sharon Stone
Announcer.....Phil Hartman

[FADE IN on the man and a dinner companion cradling teacups and smiling at each other as soft piano music plays in the background. The doorbell suddenly buzzes.]

Man: Excuse me.

[He answers the door and finds his sexy blonde neighbor standing with a sack of groceries in her arms.]

Neighbor: You saved my life the other night.

Man: [chuckles suavely] The dinner party.

Neighbor: The spermicidal jelly. Very successful.

Man: How can you... ever thank me?

Neighbor: I'll think of something. But in the meantime, at least I can return your...

[pulls tube out of sack] ...Tayster's Choice. [hands him tube]

Man: Look, I'm... busy right now, but... perhaps...

Woman: Perhaps.

[She turns smoothly away, and the man turns back inside. FADE to product ID.]

Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster's Choice Spermicidal Jelly.

[FADE back to the man and his date just as before.]

Man: Just my neighbor. How was the... spermicidal jelly?

Date: Perfect. Where did you get it from?

Man: Oh, I... have it delivered.

[FREEZE on his smirking face. FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Sean

SNL Transcripts