Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 17

91q: Sharon Stone / Pearl Jam

Tayster's Choice III

Man.....Dana Carvey
Sister.....Victoria Jackson
Woman.....Sharon Stone
Announcer.....Phil Hartman

[FADE IN on the man walking through a door with his date. Chamber music plays in the background.]

Sister: You're right, I'm not.

Man: You don't believe your own brother? Come on, I'm really sorry that I'm late.

[They walk in and stop at an elegantly decorated table surrounded by four very well-dressed people.]

Sister: I think you know everyone here, except...

[CUT to a blonde woman who looks at the man and freezes.]

Man: [softly] Oh, we've... met.

Woman: We, uh... shared the same taste in spermicidal jelly.

[FADE to product ID.]

Announcer: Savor the sophistication of Tayster's Choice Spermicidal Jelly.

[FADE back to the man and the blonde woman sitting next to each other and cradling teacups.]

Woman: Are you always this late?

Man: I won't be tomorrow.

Woman: [smiles] What's happening tomorrow?

Man: I'm inviting you to dinner.

Woman: [laughs softly] What makes you think I'll accept?

Man: You... can't resist my spermicidal jelly?

[FREEZE on the couple as they both smile. FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Sean

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