Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 17: Episode 18

91r: Jerry Seinfeld / Annie Lennox


Dan.....Dana Carvey
Kevin.....Kevin Nealon
Ed.....Jerry Seinfeld
Dave.....Chris Farley
Mike.....Mike Myers
Suzanne.....Victoria Jackson
Boss.....Phil Hartman

[ open on interior, company staff room ]

Kevin: [ sitting with one leg resting on the other ] Hey, Dan, how's that coming?

Dan: [ hand leaning upon chin ] Oh, pretty good, it's.. is that a Third Quarter report you're looking at?

Kevin: Yeah. Take a look at these numbers.

Dan: Okay. [ stands up, hand still leaning upon his chin ]

Kevin: Here's what I'm conerned about.

Dan: [ looking ] Yeah.. that's probably left over from the..

[ fax machine beeps ]

Kevin: That's the fax. I'll get it. [ walks across room, hopping on one foot because the his leg remains firmly hooked beside his other leg ]

Ed: [ enters room bent forward, hands behind his head ] Hey, everybody!

Dan: Hey, Ed.

Kevin: Ed.

Ed: What's the good word?

Dan: Oh, just a couple discrepancies on the Third Quarter report.

Ed: Oh, don't sweat it, Dan. I checked it out against yesterday's draft. That's just a clerical - no problem. [ sits down in his chair, head leans back to the wall, angling his behind-the-head posture to a perfect pose ]

Dave: [ walks with his hand stretched out, fitting perfectly against the wall ] Say, Ed, I left those blueprints on your desk. Could you look at them?

Ed: Sure, Dave. Just give me a minute.

Mike: [ crouching past the hall, posed in a sitting position, holding an open newspaper ] Excuse me, could you tell me where the, ah..

Kevin: Down the hall, second door on your left.

Mike: Thanks a lot! [ continues down the hall ]

Suzanne: [ enters room with both arms extended, legs crossed, head tilted ] Hey, guys!

Guys: Hey, Suzanne.. how are you?

[ they all crowd around Ed's desk ]

Kevin: Ed, I'm worried about Suzanne.

Dave: I don't think she's working out.

Ed: I know. She.. [ stands ] Walk with me. [ they follow him, walking in their unusual postures ] I don't know what it is. She just doesn't seem to be fitting in.

Dan: Well, maybe we're not making an effort.

Dave: I think it's her.

Ed: [ looking across the room ] Hey, wait. Take a look!

[ with her arms extended, Suzanne is using one to change a light bulb, one to leaf through folders in a file cabinet, and a telephone below her neck ]

Suzanne: Hey, guys! [ the guys are in awe ] Hey, how's the Third Quarter report coming?

[ the guys approach her, smiling ]

Dan: Great!

Dave: Hey, do you want to take a look at it?

Suzanne: Sure!

Ed: Hey, Suzanne, we're having a company softball this weekend. Would you like to join us?

Suzanne: Yeah. I'd love to!

Kevin: [ peers into hall ] Holy Smokes! Here comes the boss!

[ everyone moves about in the room, finding the perfect place to sit or stand so their odd postures allow them to appear to be working effectively ]

Boss: [ enters, walking straight ] Hi, everyone.

Everyone: Hey, Boss! How you doing>

Boss: I'm glad to see everyone busy. Jenkins, is your outline ready for tomorrow's presentation?

Dan: Uh.. right here, Sir. [ hands papers to him ]

[ grabs report, glancing at it ] Yes, this should be very interesting. [ standing straight, he leans back and falls into the couch, stiff as a board ]

Dave: [ whispering ] He's a tough customer.

Ed: [ smiling ] Yeah, but it's great to watch him work.

[ fade to black ]

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