Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 18: Episode 1

This free script provided by

Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

September 26th, 1992

Nicolas Cage

Bobby Brown

Jan Hooks

Lorne Michaels


Rob Smigel

Terry Turner

Bonnie Turner

Christine Zander

Husbands and Wives
Summary: Woody Allen (Dana Carvey) and Soon-Yi Previn (Rob Schneider) awkwardly run into Mia Farrow (Jan Hooks) and Alan Dershowitz (Rob Smigel) outside the movie theater during a presenation of "Husbands and Wives".

Recurring Characters: Woody Allen, Mia Farrow, Soon-Yi Previn, Tony Roberts, Alan Dershowitz, Frank Sinatra.



Nicolas Cage's Monologue
Summary: Nicolas Cage delights in talking about his female co-stars' body parts.


Summary: The cologne for dogs.


The Adventures of Tiny Elvis
Summary: Tiny Elvis (Nicolas Cage) marvels at the enormity of the normal-sized objects that surround him.


Ross Perot Makes a Deal
Summary: Ross Perot (Dana Carvey) offers complete strangers money to perform bizarre stunts for his own pleasure, as proof of his own power.

Recurring Characters: Ross Perot.

Deep Thoughts
Summary: Jack Handey recalls his Uncle Caveman.

Note: Hub, Helios.

Repeat from: 91l.

Bobby Brown performs "Humpin' Around"

Weekend Update with Kevin Nealon
Summary: Kevin Nealon delivers a subliminal commentary about Bill Clinton. Chris Rock comments on the first day of school. Opera Man (Adam Sandler) sings about Madonna and other recently celebrity gaffes.


Baby Names
Summary: Mr. Asswipe Johnson ( Nicolas Cage) is extra-sensitve about choosing a name for wife's (Julia Sweeney) expectant child.


Deep Thoughts
Summary: Jack Handey muses on the top thing an Indian can do.


Summary: Ted Koppel (Dana Carvey) moderates a Q&A session between Gov. Bill Clinton (Phil Hartman) and a series of stupid-yet-undecided voters.

Recurring Characters: Ted Koppel, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton.


Bobby Brown performs "Good Enough"

Deep Thoughts
Summary: Jack Handey ponders what frightens ants the most.

The Queen Shenequa Show
Summary: Queen Shenequa (Ellen Cleghorne) raps with Bobby Brown.

Recurring Characters: Queen Shenequa.

Deep Thoughts
Summary: Jack Handey ponders a world gone mad.


Mr. Casual Sex

Deep Thoughts
Summary: Jack Handey offers a suggestion of what to do if you go temporarily insane.

Note: Repeat from: 91l.


SNL Transcripts